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Task2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Why or why not? Use details and examples to explain your answer. It is more important to study math or science than it is to study art or literature v.1

Task2: Why or why not? . It is more important to study math or science than it is to study art or literature v. 1
Being a celebrity has many benefits, however, some people argue that they are overly paid for their services, while the people who are actually contributing towards the betterment of the population such as defence people and teachers are paid less. I agree with assertion and would provide evidence to support my statement. To begin with, nowadays celebrity payouts have been enormous for something they have acted for and it is not even real. Firstly, these entertainers has multiple sources of income, one they generate from royalty and other they get from endorsing products in advertisement. For example, last month a movie of the actor did a business of 300 crore, and the actor was paid a certain percentage of the profit and his fees. Secondly, In a country, like India we have 40% of the population is below the poverty line and in the same country we are having people who are earning more than the GDP is upsetting. Alternatively, there are some professions which are dutiful towards the country however are paid in peanuts, such as military people and the educators. Soldiers who are giving their lives for protecting others should be given more salary than, life is more important than any film or cricket match. Furthermore, teachers are changing link for children, they adapt and learn from this, most of our youth are influenced by their professors and thus, I think that they should be highly paid as they are nurturing our youth to become a better human. In conclusion, celebrities are unnecessary given excessive attention and money, if this would be spent on their professions mentioned in the above essay our country would become a better place to live.
Being a celebrity has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that they are
overly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
for their services, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are actually contributing towards the betterment of the population such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and teachers are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
less. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with assertion and would provide evidence to support my statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays celebrity payouts have been enormous for something they have acted for and it is not even real.
Firstly
, these entertainers has multiple sources of income, one they generate from royalty and other they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from endorsing products in advertisement.
For example
, last month a movie of the actor did a business of 300
Possible agreement error. The noun 'crore' seems to be countable, so consider using: "crores".
crore
, and the actor was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
a certain percentage of the profit and his fees.
Secondly
, In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, like India we have 40% of the population is below the poverty line and in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
we are having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are earning more than the GDP is upsetting.

Alternatively
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professions which are dutiful towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
however
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
in peanuts, such as military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the educators. Soldiers who are giving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for protecting others should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more salary than, life is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than any film or cricket match.
Furthermore
, teachers are changing link for children, they adapt and learn from this, most of our youth
are influenced
by their professors and
thus
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should be
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
as they are nurturing our youth to become a better human.

In conclusion
, celebrities are unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
excessive attention and money, if this would
be spent
on their professions mentioned in the above essay our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would become a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Task2: Why or why not? . It is more important to study math or science than it is to study art or literature v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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