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Task 1: Talk about a time when you experienced success. Describe the experience and say why it was a successful for you. v.1

Task 1: Talk about a time when you experienced success. Describe the experience and say why it was a successful for you. v. 1
There is a general notion among many proponents of university education, that it should be provided free or cost, only to the younger pupils who score the highest score in examinations. Whereas, there is also a group of people who do not iterate the above point of view, and generally stand in favour, of making university education available to all, irrespective of marks scored and applicant age. In this essay, we will critically examine both the viewpoints. Firstly, making academic performance as a sole criteria for university selection, will definitely result in a educationally focused diaspora, as the pupils selected will be more academically inclined. Secondly, the whole scheme of selection, especially in case of those colleges, which receive a lot of applications, will be more streamlined. Thirdly, this kind of selection will result in producing a future workforce, who have proven their competency in the past, and therefore would be more professionally focused and equipped. According to the proponents of this scheme of selection, pupils who had proven their mettle in the past, will get a fair chance at the college education, and with respect to the mentioned advantages, will help weed out the not so serious candidates. University education is a basic need, and is very much sought after, especially among the youth, who aspire to land a high paying job, which in turn would help them get settled in life. Basing the eligibility criteria, on marks scored during school years, will result in exclusion of a vast majority of students, which in turn will lead to a lot of dissatisfied youth, vying for a meaningful means of employment. The school curriculum is very general and does not cater to individual competencies. University education is more specific and an aspirant will have chances to score better and prove his mettle. Hence, basing the admissions on marks scored and age, would be a big injustice to all future aspirants. To sum this topic up, we have to balance both the point of views, keeping in mind the current job scenario and competition among the peers for employment. Although the first point of view is theoretically sound and may produce academically brighter results, however, we have to keep in mind the practical scheme of things, before coming to a conclusion. It is impossible to restrict human aspirations, specifically those of students aspiring for a degree, basis school grades. To be fair, to one and all, we should stand by the second viewpoint and be a proponent of free and fair universal education
There is a general notion among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, that it should
be provided
free or cost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the younger pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
score the highest score in examinations. Whereas, there is
also
a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not iterate the above point of view, and
generally
stand in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
, of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
available to all, irrespective of marks scored and applicant age. In this essay, we will
critically
examine both the viewpoints.

Firstly
, making academic performance as a sole
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "criterion"?
criteria
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selection
, will definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
educationally
focused diaspora, as the pupils selected will be more
academically
inclined.
Secondly
, the whole scheme of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selection
,
especially
in case of those colleges, which receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
applications, will be more streamlined.
Thirdly
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selection
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in producing a future workforce,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have proven their competency in the past, and
therefore
would be more
professionally
focused and equipped. According to the proponents of this scheme of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selection
, pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had proven their mettle in the past, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
chance at the college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and with respect to the mentioned advantages, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
weed out the not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
serious candidates.

University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a basic need, and is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much sought after,
especially
among the youth,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
aspire to land a high paying job, which in turn would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
settled in life. Basing the eligibility criteria, on marks scored during school years, will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in exclusion of a vast majority of students, which in turn will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
dissatisfied youth, vying for a meaningful means of employment. The school curriculum is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
general and does not cater to individual competencies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is more specific and an aspirant will have chances to score better and prove his mettle.
Hence
, basing the admissions on marks scored and age, would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
injustice to all future aspirants.

To sum this topic up, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
balance both the point of views, keeping in mind the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
job scenario and competition among the peers for employment. Although the
first
point of view is
theoretically
sound and may produce
academically
brighter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
,
however
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind the practical scheme of things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a conclusion. It is impossible to restrict human aspirations,
specifically
those of students aspiring for a degree, basis school grades. To be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
, to one and all, we should stand by the second viewpoint and be a proponent of free and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
universal
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
education
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Task 1: Talk about a time when you experienced success. Describe the experience and say why it was a successful for you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
421 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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