Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some parents enjoy giving their children weekly spending money; for example, they may give their primary or middle school child a small amount of money each week to spend on whatever the child wants. Some people believe that this practice can cause childr v.2

Some parents enjoy giving their children weekly spending money; for example, they may give their primary or middle school child a small amount of money each week to spend on whatever the child wants. Some people believe that this practice can cause childr v. 2
There is no shortage of opinion on either parent should give their children some money to spend on whatever they wish, or not. In my opinion children in a primary and a middle school should not be given money to spend on whatever they want. Let us consider what the advantages and the disadvantages of the suggestion made above. First of all, letting children to spend pocket money on whatever they want will not show them the reality of financial side of a human life. In a modern world it is crucial for every person to keep their finance in balance otherwise people could go bankrupt in a blink of the eye. Parents who would give the money to their immature kids might impart a particular feeling that money is something that they can get and spend easily. This feeling will yields in irresponsibility of facing any occurred situation, when they become adults. A freedom of spending some money for something that children want will spoil their picture of the most important aspect of peoples’ life. Doubtless, every child should learn what is like to be an adult subsequently. Parents should teach their kids that money should be earned. I remember myself in a middle school; I always got some pocket money for best grades in my class. It was one way to see that if you want something you need to work to get it. Nothing just appears if you wish, you should earn it. For this reason parents who will give their children some money they should explain that it is not so easy to get it and the money should be spend wisely, not just for the immediate gratification. Parents who will not implicate this strategy will not be able to teach their kids to maintain their finance in the future. Eventually their children will suffer of being unable to deal with the financial side the most pivotal part of life. To sum up, disadvantages of the claim made above weights more than advantages. That is why I strongly hold the position that parents must teach but not spoil their children allowing them to waste resources.
There is no shortage of opinion on either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on whatever they wish, or not. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a primary and a middle school should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on whatever they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us consider what the advantages and the disadvantages of the suggestion made above.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on whatever they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them the reality of financial side of a human life. In a modern world it is crucial for every person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their finance in balance
otherwise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could go bankrupt in a blink of the eye.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
who would give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their immature kids might impart a particular feeling that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is something that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
easily
. This feeling will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "yield"
yields
in irresponsibility of facing any occurred situation, when they become adults.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "freedom".
A freedom
of spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for something that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
will spoil their picture of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of peoples’ life.

Doubtless, every child should learn what is like to be an adult
subsequently
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should teach their kids that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be earned
. I remember myself in a middle school; I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for best grades in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. It was one way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
something you need to work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it. Nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
appears if you wish, you should earn it.
For this reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who will give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
Consider using the past participle "spent"?
spend
wisely
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the immediate gratification.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
who will not implicate this strategy will not be able to teach their kids to maintain their finance in the future.
Eventually
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
The usual preposition for this expression is "from" or "with." Did you mean "suffer from" or "suffer with"?
suffer of
being unable to deal with the financial side the most pivotal part of life.

To sum up, disadvantages of the claim made above weights more than advantages.
That is
why I
strongly
hold the position that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not spoil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
allowing them to waste resources.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some parents enjoy giving their children weekly spending money; for example, they may give their primary or middle school child a small amount of money each week to spend on whatever the child wants. Some people believe that this practice can cause childr v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts