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Some people believe that success comes from taking risks or chances Others believe that success results from careful planning In your opinion what does success come from Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

Some people believe that success comes from taking risks or chances Others believe that success results from careful planning In your opinion what does success come from Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
There are a lot of controversies over this issue whether risk-takers are more successful or planners. Some people say that the key to success is the ability to take risks while others believe that a thorough plan play a crucial role in success. In my opinion, risk-takers are more successful because they do not waste time to make a plan, they can learn from mistakes, and they do not think too much on devising a course of action. First of all, devising a plan or a course of action is a very long process because you have to take into account every single detail. But by doing so you can miss a potentially lucrative and prospective opportunity to succeed because when there is such a chance which requires taking a prompt and strong step ahead you seek to make a plan, and “bang”, you just missed your train. My uncle’s experience can be a good example of this. He was an accountant in a large multi-national company with a huge salary, but one day he received a job offer from another company for Head of Accountants. However, my uncle declined this offer because it was too much responsibility for him. So, here he failed to take a risk and a great chance to be successful. Secondly, risk-takers are usually successful because they are not afraid of failures. They just risk and if they fail they learn their lesson and move on. Take another opportunity, if failure again, learn and move on. That is their system. These failures and lessons from mistakes are lifelong experiences which are essential and priceless in life which could lead them to success one day. However, the planners are detail-oriented people and they always think about consequences of their steps, of each detail, and afraid of failure, and therefore most of the time they fail. Last, but certainly not least, planners usually tend to be under depression and stress which is harmful for health. They always try not to miss any tiny detail and try to speculate the future unexpected events and ramifications of their steps and action which could lead to failure, therefore they spend a lot of sleepless nights contemplating about such things which leads to stress and depression. While risk-takers are less vulnerable to depression and stress because they do not think about implications of their actions. When all is said and done, risk-takers succeed more than planners because they learn from old mistakes, do not miss an opportunity, and do not think too much about their actions and its consequences.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
controversies over this issue whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk-takers
are more successful or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planners
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that the key to success is the ability to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
while others believe that a thorough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
play a crucial role in success. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk-takers
are more successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not waste time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from mistakes, and they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
too much on devising a course of action.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, devising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
or a course of action is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take into account every single detail.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can miss a
potentially
lucrative and prospective opportunity to succeed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when there is such a chance which requires taking a prompt and strong step ahead you seek to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
, and “bang”, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
missed your train. My uncle’s experience can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this. He was an accountant in a large multi-national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with a huge salary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one day he received a job offer from another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for Head of Accountants.
However
, my uncle declined this offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was too much responsibility for him.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, here he failed to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and a great chance to be successful.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk-takers
are
usually
successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not afraid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and if they fail they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
their lesson and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on. Take another opportunity, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
again,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on.
That is
their system. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
and lessons from mistakes are lifelong experiences which are essential and priceless in life which could lead them to success one day.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planners
are detail-oriented
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about consequences of their steps, of each detail, and afraid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
, and
therefore
most of the time they fail.

Last,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
certainly
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planners
usually
tend to be under depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which is harmful for health. They always try not to miss any tiny detail and try to speculate the future unexpected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and ramifications of their steps and action which could lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
,
therefore
they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sleepless nights contemplating about such things which leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk-takers
are less vulnerable to depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about implications of their actions.

When all
is said
and done,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk-takers
succeed more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
mistakes, do not miss an opportunity, and do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
too much about their actions and its consequences.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that success comes from taking risks or chances Others believe that success results from careful planning In your opinion what does success come from Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
428 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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