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Some people say that giving a small amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some people say that giving a small amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. v. 1
Pocket money has always been a huge matter of concern for both the parents and children. There is a school thought that says giving weekly pocket money to children intends to make them self-sufficient for the long term. This essay will discuss why I consider pocket money as imperative for children including reasons that it makes them independent and develops finance management and savings skills. Firstly, the prominent reason is that petty cash to juvenile makes them self-standing. This means young ones would learn to buy their stationery on their own and thus inculcates a skill to manage their expenditures. For example, it is observed that adolescents who are told to manage their week with the provided allowance are much likely to advance in a brilliant adult. Hence, such children can effortlessly develop self-sustaining expertise. Secondly, weekly cash to children prepares them for the future, that is they are more competent at managing the finance. But there should be a condition of making a diary to pen-down their daily expenses and doing some savings for the future. For instance, it has become imperative for children to start preparing for their career from the very initial stage to make their identity in the cut-throat competition and this is one crucial ability that is essential in all the phases of life. Therefore, children who deal with money matters are inculcating skills for the long run. To conclude, weekly allowance for children has become the demand in the contemporary era. This essay discussed why I believe a small amount of weekly money to children is important for their individualistic existence and managing and saving skill development.
Pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has always been a huge matter of concern for both the parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There is a school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that says giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
intends to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them self-sufficient for the long term. This essay will discuss why I consider pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as imperative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
including reasons that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them independent and develops finance management and savings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Firstly
, the prominent reason is that petty cash to juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them self-standing. This means young ones would learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their stationery on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
thus
inculcates a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to manage their expenditures.
For example
, it
is observed
that adolescents who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to manage their week with the provided allowance are much likely to advance in a brilliant adult.
Hence
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
effortlessly
develop self-sustaining expertise.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
cash to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prepares them for the future,
Did you mean "that"?
that is
they are more competent at managing the finance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there should be a condition of making a diary to pen-down their daily expenses and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
savings for the future.
For instance
, it has become imperative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
preparing for their career from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
initial stage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their identity in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat competition and this is one crucial ability
that is
essential in all the phases of life.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
matters are inculcating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the long run.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
allowance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has become the demand in the contemporary era. This essay discussed why I believe a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their individualistic existence and managing and saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
development.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that giving a small amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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