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Parents give their children weekly money to buy whatever they want. Some people think this can cause bad habits and ideas about money in children. Others think the opposite. What’s your opinion? v.2

Parents give their children weekly money to buy whatever they want. Some people think this can cause bad habits and ideas about money in children. Others think the opposite. What’s your opinion? v. 2
Needless to say, today some families devote money to pay their children some money weekly enabling young children to satisfy their needs. This brings up a highly controversial question whether dedicating weekly money to children cause bad habits about money or not. I believe that families should not allocate money weekly to children. The reasons behind this standpoint are the lack of learning to manage money and bad habits of buying everything, explained in the following paragraphs. To begin with, children will not learn to manage their money. In other words, when parents give money every week to their children, they will not manage their money. The reason for the previous result is that children think that there is no need to save money for the subsequent weeks and thus they will spend most of the money. This means children would not develop skills to manage money. My own brother' s experience provides an illuminating insight into this fact. When my brother had fifteen years old, my father used to contribute money to hi, weekly in order to purchase whatever he wanted. My brother expended that money on trivial things such as buying additional books or notebooks which he would not use them later. He did not learn how to organize his expenses for the sake of emergency. Not only did he ask my father additional money for his unimportant expenses but also he did not learn how to organize his money. Therefore, he currently is the same person lacking the ability to manage money. Hence, one of the negative results of giving weekly money for young children to purchase the things they like is connected to the skill of managing of money. The second point worth discussing is related to a bad habit of buying everything. In fact, children do not have the capability to discern what is important or not to them to buy and what is not. If their parents give money weekly making sure children use at appropriate places, it will cause bad habits of intending to make a lot of purchases when they see something in the shopping store. To illustrate this point, take my brother. As I previously mentioned, my brother used to purchase unimportant stuff, as he saw from stores. These things were included a torch, a lot of pencils and so forth. By buying the aforementioned staffs not only they consumed his whole money but also they caused him a bad habit of purchasing trivial things. He currently owns this wrong habit which he is interested in having afterword. Consequently, children may intend to dedicate their money to unimportant things if their fathers paid them money for the sake of purchasing anything young children get interested. In conclusion, according to above-mentioned factors, I contend that it should not be allowed to parents to give money for children buying whatever they like due to the lack of learning how to manage money as well as purchasing trivial staffs.
Needless to say,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families devote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to pay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
enabling young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to satisfy their needs. This brings up a
highly
controversial question whether dedicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or not. I believe that families should not allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The reasons behind this standpoint are the lack of learning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
everything,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In other words
, when parents give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every week to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. The reason for the previous result is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is no need to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the subsequent weeks and
thus
they will spend most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
brother&
#039; s experience provides an illuminating insight into this fact. When my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
had fifteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to contribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to hi,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
whatever he wanted. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
expended that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on trivial things such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
additional books or notebooks which he would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them later. He did not learn how to organize his expenses for the sake of emergency. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did he ask my father additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for his unimportant expenses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
he did not learn how to organize his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Therefore
, he
currently
is the same person lacking the ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Hence
, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
the things they like
is connected
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of managing of money.

The second point worth discussing
is related
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
everything. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have the capability to discern what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or not to them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and what is not. If their parents give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
making sure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
at appropriate places, it will cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
of intending to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchases
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
something in the shopping store. To illustrate this point, take my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
. As I previously mentioned, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
unimportant stuff, as he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
from stores. These things
were included
a torch,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pencils and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
the aforementioned staffs not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they consumed his whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they caused him a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of purchasing trivial things. He
currently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
which he
is interested
in having afterword.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may intend to dedicate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to unimportant things if their fathers paid them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the sake of purchasing anything young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
interested.

In conclusion
, according to above-mentioned factors, I contend that it should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to parents to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
whatever they like due to the lack of learning how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as well
as purchasing trivial staffs.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
75Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Parents give their children weekly money to buy whatever they want. Some people think this can cause bad habits and ideas about money in children. Others think the opposite. What’s your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
495 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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