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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v.8

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 8
Toys have always been the best companion for any kid. This is probably the reason that all kids love to play with toys. But, the same enthusiasm isn't shown by all the parents. Some parents restrict the number of toys they buy for their offsprings whereas other parents buy their kids a lot of toys. This essay will discuss the positives and negatives associated with children possessing a lot of toys. On the one hand, owning a lot of toys would positively affect the energy of the kids. For example, as per a recent survey, kids with large amount of toys tend to display high energy levels in playschools. This is due to the fact that the kids with large number of toys, have a lot of options which makes them more energetic as they would want to play with all of the toys most of the time. Hence, more amount of toys positively affect the energy levels of the kids. On the other hand, owning a lot of toys would encourage the kid to become more materialistic in nature. For example, as per a recent survey, kids that own a lot of toys tend to demand even greater number of toys as they grow. This is due to the fact that the kids associate happiness with having a lot of toys and subconsciously, the kids develop the fact that they can be happy with larger number of toys or things. Hence, more amount of toys negatively affects the materialistic nature of the kids. To summarize, providing a lot of toys to kids has both advantages and disadvantages. The advantage of owning a lot of toys is the fact that this helps in increasing the energy of the kids as they have to play with more toys, which makes they energetic. But, this also results in the kids becoming materialistic as they associate happiness with the number of toys they possess.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Toys
have always been the best companion for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
. This is
probably
the reason that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the same enthusiasm isn't shown by all the parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents restrict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
whereas other parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. This essay will discuss the positives and negatives associated with children possessing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of toys.

On the one hand, owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
would
positively
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
For example
, as per a recent survey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
tend to display high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
levels in playschools. This is due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of options which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more energetic as they would want to play with
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
most of the time.
Hence
, more amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
positively
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
levels of the kids.

On the other hand
, owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
would encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
to become more materialistic in nature.
For example
, as per a recent survey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
tend to demand even greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
as they grow. This is due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
associate happiness with having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and
subconsciously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that they can be happy with larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
or things.
Hence
, more amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
negatively
affects the materialistic nature of the kids.

To summarize
, providing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
has both advantages and disadvantages. The advantage of owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
play with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
they energetic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this
also
results in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
becoming materialistic as they associate happiness with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
they possess.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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