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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v.1

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 1
Parents tend to provide their children with plenty of toys. This essay will suggest that buying a large no of toys makes the children build greater intelligence is the biggest advantage of this and children develop an introvert personality is the primary disadvantage. Kids being bought a big no of toys by their parents so that they utilize their mind to continually learn new things. Nowadays the toys available in the market are more of intelligence based toys where kids have to think wisely and use their mind to be able to play with toys and it is a known fact that more the mind is utilized more the sharp it becomes. For example, a Rubik’s cube is the kind of toy where, to match the specific color pattern the player is supposed to think of different patterns and the way to arrange the cube in such a way that all the sides have the same color on all its rectangles. Despite the advantages, playing with the toys have created a sense of reservedness in the kids. More the kids are engaged with the toys more they remain in the house and don’t tend to go out and socialize with other kids this, in turn, causes them to become shy and reserved. A recent survey carried out by local children society reveals that the kids who tend to play more with toys and remain inside their house have a sense of reserved and fill shy to face big gatherings. In conclusion, guardians offering plenty of toys can be advantageous for kids to make them brilliant, however, they must be careful about the choice of the toys as kids engaged in playing with the toys show a sense of reservedness.
Parents tend to provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. This essay will suggest that buying a large
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
build greater intelligence is the biggest advantage of this and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop an introvert personality is the primary disadvantage.

Kids being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
by their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they utilize their mind to
continually
learn new things. Nowadays the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
available in the market are more of intelligence based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
wisely
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their mind to be able to play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and it is a known fact that more the mind
is utilized
more the sharp it becomes.
For example
, a Rubik’s cube is the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
where, to match the specific color pattern the player
is supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
patterns and the way to arrange the cube in such a way that all the sides have the same color on all its rectangles.

Despite the advantages, playing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
have created a sense of reservedness in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. More the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are engaged
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
more they remain in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and don’t tend to go out and socialize with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
this, in turn, causes them to become shy and reserved. A recent survey carried out by local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
society reveals that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who tend to play more with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and remain inside their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
have a sense of reserved and fill shy to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
gatherings.

In conclusion
, guardians offering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can be advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them brilliant,
however
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be careful about the choice of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
engaged in playing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a sense of reservedness.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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