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Some parents buy their children a large number toys of toys to play with, What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys v.1

Some parents buy their children a large number toys of toys to play with, What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys v. 1
It is true that nowadays most of the parents spend huge sum of money to buy toys for their kids. There are certain advantages in buying more toys. On the other hand, it has got its own disadvantages as well. Both sides will be discussed in this essay. One of the key benefits in buying more or expensive toys is that they serve an educational purpose. Many parents believe that interactive toys will help children to enhance their learning skills and understanding. For example, scrabble will help to improve vocabulary and word formation ideas. Also, with growing technologies, there are more smart toys available in the market that will increase kid's creativity. Secondly, it is most common to see both parents working, especially in metro cities. Due to which, it is extremely hard for them to spare time with their children. As a result, they are buying more toys hoping that it will compensate the time which they were unable to spare. Despite of above positive arguments, there are many disadvantages in having too many toys. The biggest problem is that children become introverts. Earlier, toddlers used to play outside games which helped them to interact and develop their leadership and ability to work as a team. On the contrary, kids who play with toys become reclusive because they play alone with their non-living toys. Therefore, they are not able to mingle with people and share their emotions. Moreover, family ties are weakening over generations. Recent survey highlights that teenagers spends most of their time in virtual worlds like smartphones rather than with real people. In conclusion, playing with toys will certainly benefit kids to improve their skills. However, the time they spend with toys need to be limited as it will seriously impact their social life.
It is true that nowadays most of the parents spend huge sum of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their kids. There are certain advantages in buying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
On the other hand
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
disadvantages
as well
. Both sides will
be discussed
in this essay.

One of the key benefits in buying more or expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is that they serve an educational purpose.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents believe that interactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to enhance their learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and understanding.
For example
, scrabble will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
vocabulary and word formation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
Also
, with growing technologies, there are more smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
available in the market that will increase kid's creativity.
Secondly
, it is most common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
both parents working,
especially
in metro cities. Due to which, it is
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children.
As a result
, they are buying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
hoping that it will compensate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which they were unable to spare.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
above
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
arguments, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages in having too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. The biggest problem is that children become introverts. Earlier, toddlers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play outside games which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to interact and develop their leadership and ability to work as a team.
On the contrary
, kids who play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
become reclusive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they play alone with their non-living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
Therefore
, they are not able to mingle with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and share their emotions.
Moreover
, family ties are weakening over generations. Recent survey highlights that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spends most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in virtual worlds like smartphones
rather
than with real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
will
certainly
benefit kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
need to
be limited
as it will
seriously
impact their social life.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number toys of toys to play with, What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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