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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and the disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v.3

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and the disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 3
Some parents purchase many toys for their kids to please and entertain them. Although These toys might teach children different useful skills, there are also drawbacks to be considered. Firstly, a major advantage is that these toys help to develop the child’s cognitive abilities. This is because a parent can introduce different colors and shapes that the kid is interacting with for the first time through these toys. Moreover, the child can use Legos to construct buildings or cars which will encourage the child to be more creative. Secondly, Parents can use these toys to keep their children quiet and engaged. That time they can use to relax and rest or to do the chores while their kid is fully occupied with the toys. On the other hand, one problem of having many toys is that children might not spend enough time playing with their peers. In other words, the child could choose to play with toys all day and refuse to go out to interact with other kids, which has dire consequences. This will affect the social skills of children who do that and they will find it difficult to have effective communication skills when they become adults. Another issue is that these toys may be hazardous. The reason for that is that children like to taste everything around them and these toys might be coated in unhealthy or even dangerous chemicals. Furthermore, some toys have sharp edges which might injure unaware children. In conclusion, while children can develop their minds by playing with toys, parents should pay attention to the type of toys they buy to their kids and to the amount of time their kids spend with these toys.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
and entertain them. Although These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, there are
also
drawbacks to
be considered
.

Firstly
, a major advantage is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
cognitive abilities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
can introduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
colors and shapes that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is interacting with for the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Legos to construct buildings or cars which will encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to be more creative.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
quiet and engaged. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to relax and rest or to do the chores while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is
fully
occupied with the toys.

On the other hand
, one problem of having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing with their peers.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
could choose to play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
all day and refuse to go out to interact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, which has dire consequences. This will affect the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who do
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
that and
they will find it difficult to have effective communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when they become adults. Another issue is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
may be hazardous. The reason for
that is
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like to taste everything around them and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be coated
in unhealthy or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
chemicals.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
have sharp edges which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
injure unaware children.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop their minds by playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should pay attention to the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and to the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
spend with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and the disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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