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Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v.8

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 8
It is often argued that these days sitting lifestyle is becoming more attractive, even though there are a big amount of different sport facilities. This essay will discuss some issues about the situation associated with this and give some explanation to solve them. The main problem caused by an inactive lifestyle is obesity and laziness. There is a sharp increase in the number of people who are overweight these days because of the sitting lifestyle. Many people have their private cars so they get used to drive to all the places, such as convenience store, cafe or cinema, instead of walking. Another reason is that individuals become more lazy because of the computers. They work with laptops on their jobs, they come home and communicate online with others. Consequently, people are too lazy to go outside to hang out with their friends because they can talk to them online. In my opinion, the best solution to sitting lifestyle is advertising active lifestyle. If people see a beautiful body on TV or everywhere they go they will wish the same shape as they saw. Furthermore, instead of sweets in convenience stores the government could put fresh vegetables and fruits. The solution to laziness can be daily morning exercise or 10 minute warm-up at work or school. People will feel more energetic for the rest of the day. To conclude, a sitting lifestyle causes some problems such as obesity and laziness. The most effective solution to this problem to increase advertising of a healthy lifestyle and make a habit to exercise at least two times per day.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is becoming more attractive,
even though
there are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sport facilities. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues about the situation associated with this and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
explanation to solve them.

The main problem caused by an inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is obesity and laziness. There is a sharp increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are overweight these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their private cars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
In the grammatical structure 'pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb', the verb 'used' is used with the gerund: "used to driving".
used to drive
to all the places, such as convenience store,
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
or cinema,
instead
of walking. Another reason is that individuals become more lazy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the computers. They work with laptops on their jobs, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home and communicate online with others.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too lazy to go outside to hang out with their friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can talk to them online.

In my opinion, the best solution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is advertising active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
body on TV or everywhere they go they will wish the same shape as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
.
Furthermore
,
instead
of sweets in convenience stores the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could put fresh vegetables and fruits. The solution to laziness can be daily morning exercise or 10 minute warm-up at work or school.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will feel more energetic for the rest of the day.

To conclude
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems such as obesity and laziness. The most effective solution to this problem to increase advertising of a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a habit to exercise at least two times per day.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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