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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.21

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 21
Children are fond of toys. As a result, variety of parents buy a lot of toys for their kids. It is argued that, if children have toys in large quantity, it leads to positive and negative results. Which I will discuss in the below paragraphs. To begin with, the most predominant benefit of toys is kids learn the virtue of caring in sharing. When they share toys with each other, it helps to learn them how important is sharing, because this is a good behaviour. In future, if they adopt it, they will be caring member of the community. For example, in my childhood, my father gave me battery car and I used to play and share with my friends. I remember, this trait I got from there. Moreover, educational toys help to learn various things. In the modern era, with the help of technology playthings are also updated. Kids do not just enjoy with them along with this, these toys assist them in education field too. For example, my nephew learned English alphabets from a toy who speaks these alphabets. On the flip side, it has certainly drawbacks, one chief among them is studying decline. The most of the kids, when they play, forget about their study and as a result in the future they become play addicted. For example, in the present world, most of kids play video games, especially; PUBG, this is a violent game in which people fight and kill each other. These playthings destroy their attention from study. In conclusion, while there are few disadvantages of toys, yet I think the benefits are more for the development of kids. Therefore, they learn various traits such as; sharing, caring and loving.
Children are fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
As a result
, variety of parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. It
is argued
that, if children have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in large quantity, it leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
I will discuss in the below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most predominant benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the virtue of caring in sharing. When they share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
with each other, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
them how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is sharing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
, if they adopt it, they will be caring member of the community.
For example
, in my childhood, my father gave me battery car and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
and share with my friends. I remember, this trait I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
from there.

Moreover
, educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
various things. In the modern era, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology playthings are
also
updated.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
enjoy with them along with this, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
assist them in education field too.
For example
, my nephew learned English alphabets from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
who speaks these alphabets.

On the flip side, it has
certainly
drawbacks, one chief among them is studying decline. The most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
, forget about their study and
as a result
in the future they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
addicted.
For example
, in the present world, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
video games,
especially
; PUBG, this is a violent game in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fight and kill each other. These playthings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their attention from study.

In conclusion
, while there are few disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
,
yet
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the benefits are more for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Therefore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
various traits such as; sharing, caring and loving.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 21

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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