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some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. what are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large number of toys? v.7

some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. what are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large number of toys? v. 7
Nowadays, it has been increasingly common that the majority of guardians spend money on buying a plethora of toys for their kids. In this essay, I will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks for the teenagers having huge collection of toys. There are many pros of having a host of toys for the children. To begin with, as having multiple toys they learn about lot of things about education and never get bored. Secondly, during their holidays, they can call upon their friends and play together and develop spirit of team work. Furthermore, it will ease the burden of the parents who are working and often don't have time, as the teenagers can play with their toys in their absence. For instance, In a recent survey in India, it has been observed that the children having more number of toys on education have more intelligence as compared to others. On the other hand, toys are also considered to be the enemies of kids because the child indulges himself in playing with the toys without caring for studies and depend only on tuition for their studies which is not at all good for them MOREOVER, It has been observed that kids who are very much prone to playing are less active in their studies and their IQ level is also declining. TO conclude, parents should provide the toys to the children, but everything to the limit considered to be good as it is a very well known saying that 'excess of everything is bad'.
Nowadays, it has been
increasingly
common that the majority of guardians spend money on buying a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their kids. In this essay, I will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
huge collection of toys.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a host of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for the children. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
they learn about
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
things about education and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored.
Secondly
, during their holidays, they can call upon their friends and play together and develop spirit of team work.
Furthermore
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the burden of the parents who are working and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
don't have time, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can play with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in their absence.
For instance
, In a recent survey in India, it has
been observed
that the children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
on education have more intelligence as compared to others.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are
also
considered to be the enemies of kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the child indulges himself in playing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
without caring for studies and depend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on tuition for their studies which is not at all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them
MOREOVER
, It has
been observed
that kids who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much prone to playing are less active in their studies and their IQ level is
also
declining.

TO conclude
, parents should provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to the children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everything to the limit considered to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well known saying that 'excess of everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
'.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. what are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large number of toys? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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