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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child for having a larger number of toys? v.2

It is evitable for parents to spend huge amounts of money to buy playthings for their kids. There are certain advantages of buying toys for children, however, there are some disadvantages worth considering. In this essay, I will discuss the both sides of the argument. To begin with, the main purpose of buying games is for educational purpose. Parents buy many toys with different purposes, like one for teaching alphabets and another one for numbers and so on. Nowadays it is not uncommon for parents to buy multiple tablets and mobile phones for their toddlers to play with. The first advantage is that these games enable child to learn something like to learn words and sing tunes or even dance. Secondly, as kids are eager to learn they are able to grasp skills quickly. To exemplify, studies show that kids are able to speak words faster with interactive games than other kids who are learn the traditional way. On the flip side, the major drawback is that the children get so accustomed to these games they miss out on playing traditional games outside. They prefer playing with their toys indoors. Some even refuse to interact with other children and prefer staying alone with their toys. This will detriment their health and overall well-being. For instance, there has been a rise in social concerns among children wherein they are unable to communicate with others and require counselling to overcome this. To conclude, there are numerous advantages of toys for enabling children’s learning and acquiring useful skills. However, if the kids spend too much time with their toys or if they have too many toys, they will become introverts with poor social skills.
It is evitable for parents to spend huge amounts of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
playthings for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. There are certain advantages of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages worth considering. In this essay, I will discuss the both sides of the argument.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main purpose of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is for educational purpose. Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes, like one for teaching alphabets and another one for numbers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Nowadays it is not uncommon for parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
multiple tablets and mobile phones for their toddlers to play with. The
first
advantage is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
enable child to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
something like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
words and sing tunes or even dance.
Secondly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are eager to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
they are able to grasp
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
quickly
. To exemplify, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are able to speak words faster with interactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the traditional way.

On the flip side, the major drawback is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
accustomed to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they miss out on playing traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
outside. They prefer playing with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
indoors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
even refuse to interact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and prefer staying alone with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. This will detriment their health and
overall
well-being.
For instance
, there has been a rise in social concerns among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
wherein they are unable to communicate with others and require counselling to overcome this.

To conclude
, there are numerous advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for enabling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
learning and acquiring useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
spend too much time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
or if they have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, they will become introverts with poor social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
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Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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