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Nowadays an ordinary person can become popular through the Internet and TV media. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v.1

Nowadays an ordinary person can become popular through the Internet and TV media. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 1
In the modern world, it is possible for a regular person to become famous online or through TV. This situation has some benefits, but it also has some strong negative effects, which I believe are more serious than the positive ones. One of the main benefits is that fame can bring a lot of wealth. Many online celebrities earn millions of dollars through advertising online because so many people watch their channel. For example, Pewdiepie – a vlogger who records himself playing video games – gets millions of views for his videos and is now rich, even though he started as just a normal guy with a webcam, a microphone, and an internet connection. Similarly, on TV there are talent shows, such as America’s Got Talent or American Idol, where typical people can come and show off their skills and maybe become famous. On the other hand, being well known online or on TV can be extremely negative. Because almost everyone has access to the internet, popular videos or other content can be spread very quickly and this can hurt a normal person who was not looking for fame. For example, someone might make a small joke on Twitter, but if enough people are offended by it, some people might start trying to find the person who made the joke and cause them problems in real life. Overall, I think it is a great thing that modern media gives people more chances to succeed. However, it also leads to a situation where people can have their lives ruined over a small matter, and this is a bigger problem
In the modern world, it is possible for a regular person to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
or through TV. This situation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, which I believe are more serious than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones.

One of the main benefits is that fame can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
wealth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
celebrities earn millions of dollars through advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their channel.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pewdiepie
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
a vlogger who records himself playing video games
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
millions of views for his videos and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
rich,
even though
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a normal guy with a webcam, a microphone, and an internet connection.
Similarly
, on TV there are talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, such as America’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Got
Talent or American Idol, where typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and maybe become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

On the other hand
, being well known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
or on TV can be
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
almost everyone has access to the internet, popular videos or other content can
be spread
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quickly
and this can hurt a normal person who was not looking for fame.
For example
, someone might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
joke on Twitter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are offended
by it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
trying to find the person who made the joke and cause them problems in real life.

Overall
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a great thing that modern media gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more chances to succeed.
However
, it
also
leads to a situation where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
ruined over a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
matter, and this is a bigger problem
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Nowadays an ordinary person can become popular through the Internet and TV media. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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