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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large numbers of toys. v.16

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large numbers of toys. v. 16
Nowadays children are playing with more and more toys compared to a past era. This statement has been become undeniably true since parents are purchasing excessive amounts of toys for babies, have become a debatable question across the world. Children are owning the bulk of the toys, which aspect comes with its classified pros and cons which are outlined below. Firstly, having an uncertain amount of toys can make children not only creative but also physically fit. To support it, playthings can admire children to spend more time with them, therefore children can create something unusual for them by sharpening their minds which can lead them to having certain amount curiosity by asking questions, solving puzzles and so forth. For example, remotely controllable cars and other playing props might influence child to ask questions like how can it work without operating by hand or by itself? Getting an appropriate answer from their senior babies can have an eagerness for solving this mystery via some investigation. Secondly, as technology is expanding, playthings also having some interesting toys such as balls, aeroplane, motorbikes can direct toddlers to be for physically sustainable as they have to run back and forth to play with them. Moreover, scientists have proven that children utilizing certain time with play props are more creative and physically strong rather than others. However, having such obvious benefits, there are some disadvantages which are also considerable. Cons of toys enlighten two main topics such as physical injuries and lack of social values. First of all, playthings have become enormously dangerous to play with especially toddlers. The largest number of toys is having sharp edges and tiny parts which can hurt a child physically and there is an odd for swallowing them as well. Additionally, there is a research for this specific criteria that 9 out of 10 juveniles are facing severe injuries or death in worst cases. Secondly, consuming several amount of time playing them undergraduates might suffer with an anti-socialism. What is more, playthings can also make toddlers to stick into one room also it can make a child to unattached to others, this behaviour can make his or her less social person. According to one survey, babies with antisocial behaviour might have to face situations like loneliness at an early age. To sum up, pursuing countless toys can influence children to be a creative, physically strong on the other side, it is also possible that they turn into an antisocial person or they can get hurt too through toys.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are playing with more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
compared to a past era. This statement has
been become
undeniably
true since parents are purchasing excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for babies, have become a debatable question across the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
The verb 'owning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are owning
the bulk of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, which aspect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its classified pros and cons which
are outlined
below.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an uncertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physically
fit. To support it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playthings
can admire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend more time with them,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can create something unusual for them by sharpening their minds which can lead them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
curiosity by asking questions, solving puzzles and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
For example
,
remotely
controllable cars and other playing props might influence child to ask questions like how can it work without operating by hand or by itself? Getting an appropriate answer from their senior babies can have an eagerness for solving this mystery via
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
investigation.
Secondly
, as technology is expanding,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playthings
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
such as balls,
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
, motorbikes can direct toddlers to be for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physically
sustainable as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
run back and forth to play with them.
Moreover
, scientists have proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
utilizing certain time with play props are more creative and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physically
strong
rather
than others.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
such obvious benefits, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages which are
also
considerable. Cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
enlighten two main topics such as physical injuries and lack of social values.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playthings
have become
enormously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to play with
especially
toddlers. The largest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
sharp edges and tiny parts which can hurt a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physically
and there is an odd for swallowing them
as well
.
Additionally
, there is
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
for this specific criteria that 9 out of 10 juveniles are facing severe injuries or death in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the worst".
worst
cases.
Secondly
, consuming several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of time playing them undergraduates might suffer with an anti-socialism.
What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playthings
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
toddlers to stick into one room
also
it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a child
Did you mean "too unattached to"?
to unattached to
others, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
less social person. According to one survey, babies with antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face situations like loneliness at an early age.

To sum up, pursuing countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be a creative,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physically
strong on the other side, it is
also
possible that they turn into an antisocial
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person or
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt too through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large numbers of toys. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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