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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. v. 1
Nowadays, people are adapting to the different food styles rapidly, some of them are good for health and others are bad. Among the bad, fast foods are a major concern because of which the average weight of the people is increasing dramatically. Some individuals argue that the only solution for this problem is to increase the prices of these foods. I do not agree with the statement. There are numerous studies which are showing that the weight of the people is increasing due to the changing food priorities. This public health epidemic needs to be addressed at the earliest, the first step that needs to be considered is, rising an awareness among the public about the side effects of the street food or the high calorie foods like the burgers and the pizzas. Second step is to encourage the public to take part in regular cardiovascular exercises. Just by increasing the prices of the high fatty foods will not solve the problem, it has to be the combination of multiple other methods. Multinational food corporations have a major role in this public health hazard, authorities should implement strict laws to bring the accountability. For example, In India food chains like KFC and pizza hut doesn’t show the calorie count on the menu because of which, some individuals might consider eating them eating all the time. If the calorie and nutrient index is displayed, it will create an awareness among the general public. To conclude, sticking to one method will not yield the desired results. The combination government regulations and the public awareness will help solving the problem for good.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are adapting to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
styles
rapidly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are a major concern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which the average weight of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is increasing
dramatically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution for this problem is to increase the prices of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.

There are numerous studies which are showing that the weight of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is increasing due to the changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
priorities. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health epidemic needs to
be addressed
at the earliest, the
first
step that needs to
be considered
is, rising an awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
about the side effects of the street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or the high calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
like the burgers and the pizzas. Second step is to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in regular cardiovascular exercises.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
by increasing the prices of the high fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will not solve the problem, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be the combination of multiple other methods.

Multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
corporations have a major role in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health hazard, authorities should implement strict laws to bring the accountability.
For example
, In India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains like KFC and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
pizza hut
doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the calorie count on the menu
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals might consider eating them eating all the time. If the calorie and nutrient index
is displayed
, it will create an awareness among the
Consider using "public".
general public
.

To conclude
, sticking to one method will not yield the desired results. The combination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
regulations and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to solve" or "solve".
solving
the problem for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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