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Some parents believe that watching and playing computer games should be limited and substituted by reading books. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some parents believe that watching and playing computer games should be limited and substituted by reading books. v. 1
Although, a lot of people believe, moving to an English speaking country is the eminent way in learning the language, but still, it is not the only way in learning it. I strongly agree with the statement and in my perspective, moving might be helpful, however, there are various other ways using which one can master English staying at his home. The key feature in mastering any language is constant practice and learning from his/her own mistakes, hence making studying English in USA or Great Britain an excellent choice. Since living there allows them to communicate with the native English speakers on a regular basis, who speak the language with superlative diction and grammar, making it easier for them to practice and correct themselves. For example, a person living in London has to speak in English whenever they are supposed to talk to anyone which helps them in improving their language. In contrast, a person living in a foreign nation is not exposed to English proper enough on a regular basis which makes it difficult to learn. The advancement in teaching modality in the past few decades has completely changed the means of education and made learning English an easy task for many students throughout the world. While, there are some difficulties and limitations, it is still possible to learn English living in any foreign country. There are a lot of schools, colleges and universities teaching English in many parts of the world helping students in learning it. Not only the institutes, in the present day there are a lot of softwares available for improving vocabulary, grammar and to even practice with native English speakers through video calling, making it possible for people in getting command over the language staying in their own country. For example, online English classes available on social platforms like YouTube and other websites are becoming very popular these days and the number of people utilizing these videos is increasing in millions day by day throughout the world. In conclusion, I personally believe, though, studying English in an English speaking nation can be very useful, but it is not the only viable option. Mastering English living in a foreign nation is not impossible, all it requires is a substantial and meticulous use of the available resources.
Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe, moving to an
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
country is the eminent way in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
, it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
it. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and in my perspective, moving might be helpful,
however
, there are various other ways using which one can master English staying at his home.

The key feature in mastering any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is constant practice and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
from his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mistakes,
hence
making studying English
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
or Great Britain an excellent choice. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to communicate with the native English speakers on a regular basis, who speak the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
with superlative diction and grammar, making it easier for them to practice and correct themselves.
For example
, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in London
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
speak in English whenever they
are supposed
to talk to anyone which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
In contrast
, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a foreign nation is not exposed to English proper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
on a regular basis which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult to learn.

The advancement in teaching modality in the past few decades has completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the means of education and made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
English an easy task for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students throughout the world. While, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties and limitations, it is
still
possible to learn English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in any foreign country. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
schools, colleges and universities teaching English in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world helping students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
it. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the institutes, in the present day there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
available for improving vocabulary, grammar and to even practice with native English speakers through video calling, making it possible for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in getting command over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
staying in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.
For example
, online English classes available on social platforms like YouTube and other websites are becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular these days and the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
utilizing these videos is increasing in millions day by day throughout the world.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe, though, studying English in an
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
nation can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
viable option. Mastering English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a foreign nation is not impossible, all it requires is a substantial and meticulous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the available resources.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents believe that watching and playing computer games should be limited and substituted by reading books. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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