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All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. with this opinion? v. 2
No one can deny the fact that having a lot of money is considered as one of the key elements of happiness. In my opinion, despite people do not have a strong financial background, they can still achieve real happiness in life from other elements such as volunteer work. To begin with, despite there is less balance in the bank account, individuals can obtain happiness in life. Furthermore, society has a combination of people in terms of their wealthiness, but it is undoubtedly that their level of happiness does not reflect on how much money they have. Sometimes rich people in the community could be unhappy due to failures in business. In India, for instance, a survey suggested that South Indian people are the happiest people in the country even it is categorized as the poorest state. Therefore, I agree that money cannot buy happiness. One possible factor to enrich people's happiness is that volunteer work. This means, when someone engages in unpaid work, that person could gain self-satisfaction on the success of the event which will remain for a lifetime. For example, provided that a doctor works in a regional area where people cannot afford money for medicine, he could gain happiness through the respect of his patients. This means happiness can be found by using the skills that people are trained for through job satisfaction. In conclusion, money is no longer the key element of measuring the level of happiness, but it can be achieved through other aspects such as unpaid work that individuals are engaged in.
No one can deny the fact that having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is considered
as one of the key elements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. In my opinion, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have a strong financial background, they can
still
achieve real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in life from other elements such as volunteer work.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, despite there is less balance in the bank account, individuals can obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in life.
Furthermore
, society has a combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in terms of their wealthiness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
undoubtedly
that their level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
does not reflect on how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they have.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the community could be unhappy due to failures in business. In India,
for instance
, a survey suggested that South Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the country even it
is categorized
as the poorest state.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
happiness.

One possible factor to enrich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is that volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This means, when someone engages in unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, that person could gain self-satisfaction on the success of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
which will remain for a lifetime.
For example
, provided that a doctor works in a regional area where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for medicine, he could gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
through the respect of his patients. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
be found
by using the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trained
for through job satisfaction.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is no longer the key element of measuring the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be achieved
through other aspects such as unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that individuals
are engaged
in.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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