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Some people say that parents should place restrictions on the hours of their children spend watching TV and playing computer games, and encourage them to spend this time reading books instead. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that parents should place restrictions on the hours of their children spend watching TV and playing computer games, and encourage them to spend this time reading books instead. v. 1
It is believed by some that having friends who share the same thought as you is more important than a friend who has a differing opinion. In my opinion, I believe that having companions with an opposing belief is better. On the one hand, some people believe that friendship with individuals that share same common view is better because there will be no room for commotion or conflict between the two parties. In other words, these two sets of people will be able to agree on ideas easily, without ending at loggerheads. What's more, these sets of friends will make problem solving less difficult as they would be able to arrive at a common conclusion. For example, five groups of friends were interviewed by the psychology department of the University of California, they were asked the secret of the harmony amongst them despite being from different tribes, they all commented that it was easier because they all shared common view. This emphasizes the importance of sharing similar opinions. On the other hand, others think that having friends who disagree with one's view is better and I agree, because this allows one the opportunity to make a more concrete decision. To put in another way, when an individual has companions that do not agree with his opinion, it gives the friend wider options to choose from, consequently, resulting in more solid conclusions being made on various matters. Furthermore, this person can rely on his friends with different opinions because even if his own decision is not right, his friends can bring more solid views to the table that would in the end solve the problems. A good example of this was when a popular actor Adam Sadler gave a congratulatory speech after winning the award of the best actor in the world. He attributed his success to his friends who kept pushing him to the peak, despite having failed to perform excellently in the last movie he released. If Mr Sadler did not have friends with different views about his performance than what he felt about himself, he would have ended up a failure. In conclusion, although people's opinions may vary, I believe that having friends with different ideas will yield a better result than friends with the same ideas.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
share the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as you is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a differing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
companions with an opposing belief is better.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that friendship with individuals that share same common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
is better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there will be no room for commotion or conflict between the two parties.
In other words
, these two sets of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
easily
, without ending at loggerheads. What's more, these sets of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
problem solving less difficult as they would be able to arrive at a common conclusion.
For example
, five groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
were interviewed
by the psychology department of the University of California, they
were asked
the secret of the harmony amongst them despite being from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
tribes, they all commented that it was easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they all shared common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
. This emphasizes the importance of sharing similar opinions.

On the other hand
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
disagree with one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
is better and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
one the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a more concrete decision. To put in another way, when an individual has companions that do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, it gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
wider options to choose from,
consequently
, resulting in more solid conclusions
being made
on various matters.
Furthermore
, this person can rely on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
even if his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision is not right, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can bring more solid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
to the table that would in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
solve the problems. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this was when a popular actor Adam
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sadler
gave a congratulatory speech after winning the award of the best actor in the world. He attributed his success to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
pushing him to the peak, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
failed to perform
excellently
in the last movie he released. If Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sadler
did not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
about his performance than what he felt about himself, he would have ended up a failure.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
may vary, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
will yield a better result than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should place restrictions on the hours of their children spend watching TV and playing computer games, and encourage them to spend this time reading books instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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