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Some parents and teachers believe that children’s behaviour should be strictly controlled, while others think that children should be allowed to grow up in their own way. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some parents and teachers believe that children’s behaviour should be strictly controlled, while others think that children should be allowed to grow up in their own way. v. 2
The extent to which children have to follow rules is in itself a very complex issue, since children across the world grow up in very different cultures. In for example, children are expected to be very submissive to their parents as well as other adults around them. This, however, is not the case with the Western countries of the world where children follow the motto ‘Thou shalt do what thou wilt’ as promoted by celebrities and rock stars. I believe that following strict rules has both advantages serious drawbacks as discussed below. Firstly, strict rules of behavior create responsible and respectful children who in turn mature into respectful adults. This forms a stable society which is virtually free from negative trends such as prostitution and drug abuse. Secondly, if children do not follow strict rules of behavior, they may get out of hand and become work-shy and indolent. This may then create a burden on the society since the government has to find ways to cater for these social ills. However, forcing children to follow strict rules of behavior doesn’t always yield positive results as discussed above, most of the time it backfires and works against society. For example, teenagers are more likely to do the opposite of what they’re told to do simply because they want to be independent. Children should also have rights to exercise their free will and develop their own pattern of behaviors. Imposing strict rules may simply destroy the individuality of children. At the end of the day, it is clear that children should be guided by rules, but these rules should not be imposed on them because as human beings, they need to have room to develop their own traits of character and adopt a behavioral pattern of their own.
The extent to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
is in itself a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
complex issue, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
across the world grow up in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. In
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
submissive to their parents
as well
as other adults around them. This,
however
, is not the case with the Western countries of the world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the motto ‘Thou shalt do what thou wilt’ as promoted by celebrities and rock stars. I believe that following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
has both advantages serious drawbacks as discussed below.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
create responsible and respectful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who in turn mature into respectful adults. This forms a stable society which is
virtually
free from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trends such as prostitution and drug abuse.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of hand and become work-shy and indolent. This may then create a burden on the society since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
find ways to cater for these social ills.

However
, forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
doesn’t always yield
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results as discussed above, most of the time it backfires and works against society.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are more likely to do the opposite of what they’re
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to do
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to be independent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
also
have rights to exercise their free will and develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pattern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
. Imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
may
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the individuality of children.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be guided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
should not
be imposed
on them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as human beings, they need to have room to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traits of character and adopt a behavioral pattern of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents and teachers believe that children’s behaviour should be strictly controlled, while others think that children should be allowed to grow up in their own way. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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