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Some parent buy their children large number of toys. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this practice v.1

Some parent buy their children large number of toys. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this practice v. 1
Toys always make a child happy, and a parent wants to live that experience repeatedly. As a result of that, many children end up with a large number of toys. In this essay, I will potray the role such collection of toys can have on a child's development while analyzing their impact on social interaction. On the one hand, an almirah full of toys gives a child numerous choices in developing his skills. This is because most toys are designed to challenge and enhance a kid's mental as well as physical abilities. For example, Yo-Yo is a popular toy, and its popularity can be associated with the unique movement that amuses a child, in addition to sharpening his focus. Therefore, a youngster with a room full of toys can play with a focus enhancing toy in the morning and physically demanding one in the afternoon. This usually results in better growth of children. The goodness of having a large number of toys is often undermined by the limitations they impose on young ones. As most of the toys are meant to be played alone by a child, they result in minimization of social interactions in a youngster's life. To illustrate, a study undertaken by one of the biggest daycare centres reveals that around 70% of the children living in modern Indian cities interact for less than 7 hours a week with their peers. Alternatively, if such children do not get plenty of toys to play with, many of them would socialize more, thereby increasing their probability of future success. To conclude, having a significant number of toys can be beneficial for a child's development, but it may come at the expense of peer bonding.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Toys
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
happy, and a parent wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
that experience
repeatedly
.
As a result
of that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. In this essay, I will
Possible spelling mistake found.
potray
the role such collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can have on a child's development while analyzing their impact on social interaction.

On the one hand, an
Possible spelling mistake found.
almirah
full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
gives a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
numerous choices in developing his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are designed
to challenge and enhance a kid's mental
as well
as physical abilities.
For example
, Yo-Yo is a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
, and its popularity can
be associated
with the unique movement that amuses a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
in addition
to sharpening his focus.
Therefore
, a youngster with a room full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can play with a focus enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
in the morning and
physically
demanding one in the afternoon. This
usually
results in better growth of children.

The goodness of having
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
undermined by the limitations they impose on young ones. As most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are meant
to
be played
alone by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, they result in minimization of social interactions in a youngster's life. To illustrate, a study undertaken by one of the biggest daycare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
reveals that around 70% of the children living in modern Indian cities interact for less than 7 hours a week with their peers.
Alternatively
, if such children do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to play with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them would socialize more, thereby increasing their probability of future success.

To conclude
, having a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can be beneficial for a child's development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at the expense of peer bonding.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parent buy their children large number of toys. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this practice v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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