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Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v.1

Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v. 1
If you look around, you would notice that out of all the high ranking positions that are available, the men seem to occupy the majority of them. Some sections of the society argue that the elected state should introduce a law favoring the women to hold higher positions. I strongly agree with this statement. The following essay will focus on the causes supporting my argument. The primary reasons are the abolition of patriarchy and the promotion of the female representation. Firstly, since the advent, a society has always been dominated by the males. The women are looked down upon and incapable of leading. Thus, if the bureaucracy ensures a place for ladies in the power structure, it would help the women to rise. For example, a study by the Columbia Univeristy shows that approximately 61% of the highest paying jobs are occupied by the men. If the state reserves some positions for the females; it would directly translate into empowerment of the other gender. Secondly, the augmentation of the feminine point of view. Most of the products in the market focus on the views of a male. They cater to just the rugged sex. If a woman is a part of the decision making process, it would allow aan alternate approach to be included. Thus, it would mean a wider target audience. Another example is of an independent study showing that a staggering 67% of women feel a disconnect with the goods in the market. In such a situation, if some positions have a woman only reservation, it would mean inculcating her views and therefore, translate into an increase in the company's profit. In conclusion, I firmly believe in the fact that given the central authorities intervene and push for the women population to be a part of the forefront, this would ensure the end of the redundant practice of male superiority and give a chance to a variety of women to be represented on a higher level.
If you look around, you would notice that out of all the high ranking
positions
that are available, the
men
seem to occupy the majority of them.
Some
sections of the society argue that the elected state should introduce a law favoring the
women
to hold higher
positions
. I
strongly
agree
with this statement. The following essay will focus on the causes supporting my argument. The primary reasons are the abolition of patriarchy and the promotion of the female representation.

Firstly
, since the advent, a society has always
been dominated
by the males. The
women
are looked
down upon and incapable of leading.
Thus
, if the bureaucracy ensures a place for ladies in the power structure, it would
help
the
women
to rise.
For example
, a study by the Columbia
Univeristy
shows
that approximately 61% of the highest paying jobs
are occupied
by the
men
. If the state reserves
some
positions
for the females; it would
directly
translate into empowerment of the other gender.

Secondly
, the augmentation of the feminine point of view. Most of the products in the market focus on the views of a male. They cater to
just
the rugged sex. If a woman is a part of the
decision making
process, it would
allow
aan
alternate approach to
be included
.
Thus
, it would mean a wider target audience. Another example is of an independent study showing that a staggering 67% of
women
feel a disconnect with the
goods
in the market. In such a situation, if
some
positions
have a woman
only
reservation, it would mean inculcating her views and
therefore
, translate into an increase in the
company
's profit.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe in the fact that
given
the central authorities intervene and push for the
women
population to be a part of the forefront, this would ensure the
end
of the redundant practice of male superiority and give a chance to a variety of
women
to
be represented
on a higher level.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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