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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantage for charging for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantage for charging for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5
Most museums bill people before they could be granted access but others admit without any charge. Although, this pattern has its own demerit, I believe that the merit outweighs the setbacks because of the administrative cost of running the museum as well as the personal motivation for the visitors. On the one hand, one of the benefits of granting entrance into the museum at a price is to ensure a continuous influx of fund into the organization account to ensure the proper maintenance of every part of the museum. For example, money is needed to introduce innovative ideas such as a central viewing device that displays every part of the museum to any visitor who comes into the reception. This improves the quality of service in the museum. Furthermore, having to pay for a particular service serves as a form of encouragement to humans. Just as the popular adage says, you value what you pay for better than what you get freely. Thus revealing the merit of admitting people into the museum at an amount. On the other hand, the demerit for collecting admittance fee from people visiting the museum is that it will reduce the number of people who come into the place especially because they lack the required passage amount. To illustrate, the new mini museum at the University of Ibadan, Nigeria has an average daily attendance of over 800 visitors because entry is free while the State museum at the capital city records just about 150 people per day because of the expensive outlay for access. Thus displaying this act as disadvantageous to the use of the museum. In conclusion, it is agreed that the benefit of allowing people into the museum at a price outweighs the consequence given the importance of fund in administrating the museum as well as a personal motivation for the tourists.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
bill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they could
be granted
access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others admit without any charge. Although, this pattern has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
demerit, I believe that the merit outweighs the setbacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the administrative cost of running the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
as well
as the personal motivation for the visitors.

On the one hand, one of the benefits of granting entrance into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
at a price is to ensure a continuous influx of fund into the organization account to ensure the proper maintenance of every part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
For example
, money
is needed
to introduce innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
such as a central viewing device that displays every part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to any visitor who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
into the reception. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of service in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
Furthermore
, having to pay for a particular service serves as a form of encouragement to humans.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
as the popular adage says, you value what you pay for better than what you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
freely
.
Thus
revealing the merit of admitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
at an amount.

On the other hand
, the demerit for collecting admittance fee from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into the place
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lack the required passage amount. To illustrate, the new mini
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
at the University of Ibadan, Nigeria has an average daily attendance of over 800 visitors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
entry is free while the State
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
at the capital city records
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about 150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
per day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the expensive outlay for access.
Thus
displaying this act as disadvantageous to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the museum.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that the benefit of allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
at a price outweighs the consequence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the importance of fund in administrating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
as well
as a personal motivation for the tourists.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantage for charging for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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