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Some organizations impose the rule of wearing a uniform in the workplace. Do you think that employees in certain organizations should wear a uniform? What is your viewpoint on this issue? v.3

Some organizations impose the rule of wearing a uniform in the workplace. Do you think that employees in certain organizations should wear a uniform? What is your viewpoint on this issue? v. 3
I strongly agree with the notion that entertainers, today, are paid an excessive amount of money. In current times, science and technology have taken major strides for the betterment of our society. Our focus should be on facilitating such endeavours rather than on entertainment. I believe all the biological scientists like pharmacists, biochemists, microbiologists etc. in our society should be paid more than the people in the entertainment business. These people or as we dub them ‘nerds’ spend valuable hours in their lives in discovering a new molecule that might be used to make our lives better. Their goal is to discover novel ideas and to create innovative techniques. Thus, rather than spending their time with their families or an evening in the theatre, they immerse themselves in their laboratories working night after night, maybe, discover a new drug. For such sacrifices, these scientists should get their due remuneration. However, a discrepancy can be seen in our society. We tend to value people in the entertainment business more than the scientists who might be working on the Ebola virus vaccine. I do not devalue the hard work by an actor or a football player. They had to reach their stardom after endless practice sessions and failures. However, if we make an objective comparison, at the end of the day, it is the work of a microbiologist or a biochemist that helps us to live a healthy and disease-free life. So, our money should be spent on those individuals who strive to bring about a healthier and comfortable society.
I
strongly
agree
with the notion that entertainers,
today
,
are paid
an excessive amount of money. In
current
times, science and technology have taken major strides for the betterment of our
society
. Our focus should be on facilitating such
endeavours
rather
than on entertainment.

I believe all the biological scientists like pharmacists, biochemists, microbiologists etc. in our
society
should
be paid
more than the
people
in the entertainment business. These
people
or as we dub them ‘nerds’ spend valuable hours in their
lives
in discovering a new molecule that might be
used
to
make
our
lives
better. Their goal is to discover novel
ideas
and to create innovative techniques.
Thus
,
rather
than spending their time with their families or an evening in the
theatre
, they immerse themselves in their laboratories working night after night, maybe, discover a new drug. For such sacrifices, these scientists should
get
their due remuneration.
However
, a discrepancy can be
seen
in our
society
. We tend to value
people
in the entertainment business more than the scientists who might be working on the Ebola virus vaccine.

I do not devalue the
hard
work by an actor or a football player. They had to reach their stardom after endless practice sessions and failures.
However
, if we
make
an objective comparison, at the
end
of the day, it is the work of a microbiologist or a biochemist that
helps
us to
live
a healthy and disease-free life.
So
, our money should
be spent
on those individuals who strive to bring about a healthier and comfortable
society
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some organizations impose the rule of wearing a uniform in the workplace. Do you think that employees in certain organizations should wear a uniform? What is your viewpoint on this issue? v. 3

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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