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Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.5

Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 5
Money has magnificent value in a society that individuals need to survive. Nowadays, secondary school education plays a vital role in the student career, that taught to manage their earnings carefully in their life, which help them to maintain a budget plan in their future. However, I accord with the given statement because today's children are tomorrow adults, in which they tend to know about the management of their lives properly. To begin with, there are manifold arguments considered in favour of the given notion. Firstly, an adolescent career is based on what they taught in high school education. This means that the faculties in the school organize a special lecture to explain the value of money in life, which trained the students to survive in this global society. Secondly, the lessons that youngsters learned in the part of the school curriculum, made them maintain an expenditure plan that they spent daily, which helps them to save dollars for further education. For instance, if a person commuting to another country or city that far from home, capital management helps him to regulate hos lifestyle in a precise way. Furthermore, if a student did not learn how to manage money in the school, this may lead to adverse effects on his family as well as himself also, which they are not valued by the society. As a result, they spend huge amounts on unnecessary things rather than their requirements. Owing to all these, the school education should teach students how to create a plan for their future. To conclude, I reiterate my statement by saying that school is a significant part of everyone's life that fosters to make better planning and schedule.
Money has magnificent value in a society that individuals need to survive. Nowadays, secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a vital role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
career, that taught to manage their earnings
carefully
in their life, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to maintain a budget plan in their future.
However
, I accord with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's children are tomorrow adults, in which they tend to know about the management of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
properly
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are manifold arguments considered in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion.
Firstly
, an adolescent career
is based
on what they taught in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This means that the faculties in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
organize a special lecture to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the value of money in life, which trained the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to survive in this global society.
Secondly
, the lessons that youngsters learned in the part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum, made them maintain an expenditure plan that they spent daily, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to save dollars for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For instance
, if a person commuting to another country or city that far from home, capital management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to regulate hos lifestyle
Consider replacing "in a precise way" with the adverb for "precise"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a precise way
.

Furthermore
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
did not learn how to manage money in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, this may lead to adverse effects on his family
as well
as himself
also
, which they are not valued by the society.
As a result
, they spend huge amounts on unnecessary things
rather
than their requirements. Owing to all these, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
how to create a plan for their future.

To conclude
, I reiterate my statement by saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a significant part of everyone's life that fosters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better planning and schedule.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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