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Some argue that film and television are a waste of time, because they do not have a direct connection with people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some argue that film and television are a waste of time, because they do not have a direct connection with people’s lives. v. 1
The mediocre span of a human life can go beyond ninety years in modern nations. There is a rise in the immortality rate of the advanced world, which is imposing risks on the community and mankind. This essay will touch upon the various ways to curb the influence of older occupants in the society. To begin with, older people are less advantageous to a country as their contribution in many aspects are less. To illustrate this fact, we can take a look at a workplace where older workers are less enthusiastic and energetic when completing tasks, as compared to their younger counterparts. This can affect the deadlines promised by the company to their clients leading to potential loss of revenue due to missed projects. Many job positions are wasted as they are occupied by a worker who is less competent and more experienced. That is to say, older employees who are nearing retirement or working beyond the acceptable retirement age, are not just causing a threat to many young graduates of joblessness, but adding to the social stigma such as unemployment. As a mitigation plan, companies can restrict the upper-age limit for workers and clearly set goals, and assessments to monitor the progress check of their employees. This way they are also checking the company’s growth. On the social front, pensioners can made to pay more taxes to benefit the overall economic growth of a nation. To conclude, there are some issues due to ageing crowd affecting both people and the society, but with proper checks in place the risks can be controlled and turned in favour of the country and its citizens. Experts please evaluate. .
The mediocre span of a human life can go beyond ninety years in modern nations. There is a rise in the immortality rate of the advanced world, which is imposing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
on the community and mankind. This essay will touch upon the various ways to curb the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
occupants in the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
advantageous to a country as their contribution in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
. To illustrate this fact, we can take a look at a workplace where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
workers are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
enthusiastic and energetic when completing tasks, as compared to their younger counterparts. This can affect the deadlines promised by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to their clients leading to potential loss of revenue due to missed projects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
job positions
are wasted
as they
are occupied
by a worker who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
competent and more experienced.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
employees who are nearing retirement or working beyond the acceptable retirement age, are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
causing a threat to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young graduates of joblessness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
adding to the social stigma such as unemployment.

As a mitigation plan,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can restrict the upper-age limit for workers and
clearly
set goals, and assessments to monitor the progress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
of their employees. This way they are
also
checking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s growth. On the social front, pensioners can made to pay more taxes to benefit the
overall
economic growth of a nation.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
crowd affecting both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
in place the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
can
be controlled
and turned in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the country and its citizens.

Experts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
evaluate.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some argue that film and television are a waste of time, because they do not have a direct connection with people’s lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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