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Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 4
A lot of different organizations and companies want their employees to dress adequately above any other requirement, while others prefer their workers to do their job well rather than ensuring they dress well enough. In my opinion, I agree that in some specific work positions the appearance can make a huge difference and be significant, however, I also believe that work should be valued according to other kind of factors. On one hand, there’s a lot of work where the physical appearance of the worker is one of the most important things when it comes to value their jobs. Especially those kinds of jobs where the worker is exposed to the public’s eyes and where the presence of customers is high, the way that person looks is one of the main keys to success. One of the most common and controversial examples we have is that concerning the model industry. For companies around this type of industry the number of sells a product can have it depends on how good a model looks, so, for this reason their physical appearance is the one and only important thing. On the other hand, in the most of the work places the appearance of their workers is just one of the many points a person has to have in order to be well considered. Companies use to value the way a person performs their work. For example, when it comes to doctors, the way they look may be an important point, but isn’t the most significant one to be considered when they are valued for their work. Finally, the fact of a company deciding whether it’s crucial or not, that their employees have a good appearance it depends on the company’s aim to sell. While in some jobs such as publicity companies and model industry the appearance is more valued in other’s appearance is not even taken into consideration among their employees. In conclusion, I believe that despite for some jobs the seeming of a person may be more important in order to work property than in other jobs, skills such as intelligence, determination or leadership should be equally valued.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
organizations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
want their employees to dress
adequately
above any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
requirement, while others prefer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
well
rather
than ensuring they dress well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
positions the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge difference and be significant,
however
, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valued
according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kind of factors.

On one hand, there’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
where the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
is one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
things when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to value their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Especially
those kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
is exposed
to the public’s eyes and where the presence of customers is high, the way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
looks is one of the main keys to success. One of the most common and controversial examples we have is that concerning the model industry. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
around this type of industry the number of sells a product can have it depends on how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
a model looks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
for this reason
their physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is the one and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, in the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
points a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
have in order to be well considered.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
value the way a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
performs their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to doctors, the way they look may be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
isn’t the most significant one to
be considered
when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valued
for their work.

Finally
, the fact of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
deciding whether it’s crucial or not, that their employees have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
it depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
aim to sell. While in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as publicity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and model industry the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valued
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is not even taken into consideration among their employees.

In conclusion
, I believe that despite for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
the seeming of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
may be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
property than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as intelligence, determination or leadership should be
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valued
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
357 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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