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Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this v.2

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this v. 2
There has been a trend over recent decades for families to become less close than they were in the past and this situation is largely accepted in society. This essay will discuss the reasons for this and examine the benefits and drawbacks of this development. One of the first reasons for a decline in the closest of families is connected to the busy lifestyles that we now lead. Most people are having to work longer hours and often both parents work, so they simply do not have as much time to spend with each other as they did in the past. Another factor is the materialistic and consumer driven culture we now live in, which has led to less value being placed on family relationships. Modern technology also means that people are more interested in their online life than interacting with their family in their free time. It could be argued that this has benefits. If people are not so close to their family, they are free to pursue their own dreams and aspirations, and to focus on improving their own lifestyle. However, I believe that there are far more negative outcomes. The most important factors leading to a fulfilled and happy life are emotional security and comfort. Without these we are in danger of feeling lost. It is a difficult world we live in and we need the support of people close to us to cope with modern life. We are seeing a rise in mental health problems in many countries and this may well be a factor in this. To conclude, busy modern lifestyles, changing cultural values and modern technology are causing families to become less close. We should try to halt this trend as it has more negative than positive outcomes.
There has been a trend over recent decades for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to become less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
than they were in the past and this situation is
largely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in society. This essay will discuss the reasons for this and examine the benefits and drawbacks of this development.

One of the
first
reasons for a decline in the closest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is connected
to the busy lifestyles that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
lead. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having to work longer hours and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
both parents work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
simply
do not have as much time to spend with each other as they did in the past. Another factor is the materialistic and consumer driven culture we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, which has led to less value
being placed
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
technology
also
means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more interested in their online life than interacting with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in their free time.

It could
be argued
that this has benefits. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they are free to pursue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dreams and aspirations, and to focus on improving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
lifestyle.
However
, I believe that there are far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors leading to a fulfilled and happy life are emotional security and comfort. Without these we are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of feeling lost. It is a difficult world we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
in and
we need the support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
to us to cope with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
life. We are seeing a rise in mental health problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and this may well be a factor in this.

To conclude
, busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
lifestyles, changing cultural values and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology are causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to become less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
. We should try to halt this trend as it has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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