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Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.6

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 6
It is believed in certain companies believe that employees think more about how they should dress at work, while other companies appreciate the quality of work an employee has to offer. In my opinion, our appearances matter depending on the job we are assigned, however, is more important that a company should focus on delivering great services. Appearances are sometimes important in jobs that require employees to interact constantly with clients, for example, marketing, human resources or trade. The reason this is because outfits work as an expression of personality, and allow employees to have a sense of empowerment. Some employees believe that wearing a suit will look more presentable which gives clients an idea that an employee is organized and responsible. By contrast, a good service helps a company grow. When appearances do not take into consideration, customers see an employee as a human being, not as a service. This creates a sense of comfort, which helps companies to develop better and stronger relationships with its clients. Therefore, customers are more willing to remain loyal to one organization. From my experience, I believe productivity is important than appearance. When I am dressed appropriately to an occasion, for example for a meeting, I have noticed that my colleagues tend to focus more on what I am trying to say rather than what I am wearing. That is why quality should always be of significant importance, because at the end of the day an employer is selling a product or service, not a style. In conclusion, companies should strive for a balance between appearances and quality, but the latter should be emphasized more to the future development of a company.
It
is believed
in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more about how they should dress at work, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
appreciate the quality of work an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
offer. In my opinion, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearances
matter depending on the job we
are assigned
,
however
, is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should focus on delivering great services.

Appearances are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in jobs that require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to interact
constantly
with clients,
for example
, marketing, human resources or trade. The reason this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
outfits work as an expression of personality, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to have a sense of empowerment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
believe that wearing a suit will look more presentable which gives clients an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is organized
and responsible.

By contrast, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
service
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
grow. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearances
do not take into consideration, customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
as a human being, not as a service. This creates a sense of comfort, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to develop better and stronger relationships with its clients.
Therefore
, customers are more willing to remain loyal to one organization.

From my experience, I believe productivity is
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
. When I
am dressed
appropriately
to an occasion,
for example
for a meeting, I have noticed that my colleagues tend to focus more on what I am trying to say
rather
than what I am wearing.
That is
why quality should always be of significant importance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day an employer is selling a product or service, not a style.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should strive for a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearances
and quality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the latter should
be emphasized
more to the future development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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