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Write about the following topic. Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.9

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 9
The dressing manner is the most important thing to everyone individually who works in an organization or a company because it shows the quality of the employees work and how smart they are. But not every organizations critic the employee's work based on their dressing style. The employee's presence has shown from different part based on which department is the employees working. First, in an organization, there was a section which is focused on the employees's dressing manner. Because some organization has specific demands of the employees who work with them. When the employees had selected to work in the front office, They should dress smartly and neatly. For example, there is a situation when the employees wanted to meet the client outside the organization's head office, The employees's dressing style could be the first impression to the client and guest before they started the meeting, otherwise, the client and guest could cancel the meeting. Because of that, the organisation could lose its customer. On the other hand, When the employees had selected to work in the back office in the organisation, They did not need to dress up like the front office employees because they do not require to meet the client and guest. For example, The employees who are working in the information technology department have to focus on the client data and other transaction in the organization, hence, they do not require to dress up smartly as the front-office employees. In conclusion, the employees who work in front-office need additional requirement in their dressing style than other employees, because those employees become the representative of the organization.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dressing
manner is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to everyone
individually
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who
works in an
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organization
or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and how smart they are.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
not every
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organizations
critic the employee's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dressing
style. The employee's presence has shown from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part based on which department is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
working.

First
, in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
, there was a section which
is focused
on the
Did you mean "employee's" or "employees'"?
employees's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dressing
manner.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
has specific demands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with them. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
had selected to
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work
in the front
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office
, They should dress
smartly
and
neatly
.
For example
, there is a situation when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
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client
outside the organization's head
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
, The
Did you mean "employee's" or "employees'"?
employees's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dressing
style could be the
first
impression to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
client
and guest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the meeting,
otherwise
, the
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client
and guest could cancel the meeting.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
could lose its customer.

On the other hand
, When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
had selected to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the back
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
in the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
, They did not need to dress up like the front
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not require to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
client
and guest.
For example
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working in the information technology department
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
client
data and other transaction in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
,
hence
, they do not require
Did you mean "dressing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to dress
up
smartly
as the front-office employees.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in front-office need additional requirement in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dressing
style than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
become the representative of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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