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Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 4
A lot of firms feel that it’s good if their employees look presentable. Whereas, some believe their experience and knowledge is more important rather than their appearance. In my opinion, I think having an employee with a better understanding of work is superior to having someone who dresses smartly. To begin with, some people feel more confident about themselves when they look sharp. Wearing a better outfit also helps them in boosting their morale. Employees who dress smartly attract attention of their bosses and are preferred over others, when it comes to representing their company. In some fields, it matters quite a lot that an employee knows how to carry themselves. For example, sales companies opt for candidates who have a better dressing sense as customers feel more comfortable them. In contrast, many believe that a man’s work speaks for itself instead of his clothes. There are organisations which hire candidates based on their past experiences and knowledge. For example, a construction company is most likely to hire a candidate who is well versed with the aspects of construction and knows what he is doing compared to a candidate who dresses nicely but, does not possess experience. In conclusion, it can be said that both dressing smartly and quality of work are equally important. It depends upon the field of work a particular person is in. In my opinion, having a good dressing sense in good, but having good knowledge and performing is better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
firms feel that it’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
look presentable. Whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe their experience and knowledge is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
rather
than their appearance. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is superior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
dresses
smartly
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel more confident about themselves when they look sharp. Wearing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
outfit
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in boosting their morale.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
dress
smartly
attract attention of their bosses and
are preferred
over others, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to representing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields, it matters quite a lot that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
knows how to carry themselves.
For example
, sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
dressing sense as customers feel more comfortable them.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
speaks for itself
instead
of his clothes. There are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
which hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
based on their
Consider using "experiences".
past experiences
and knowledge.
For example
, a construction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is most likely to hire a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is well versed with the aspects of construction and knows what he is doing compared to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
dresses
nicely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, does not possess experience.

In conclusion
, it can
be said
that both dressing
smartly
and quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. It depends upon the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a particular person is in. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
dressing sense in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
knowledge and performing is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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