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In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v.2

In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v. 2
In the past, nuclear families where parents and their offspring living together under one roof used to be prevalent. However, there is now a huge trend towards single-parent families due to more marriages ending in divorce, while the increase in cohabiting couple families and step-families is probably a result of cohabitation and remarriage have become much more acceptable. In addition, the number of single-mother families has increased as many mothers want to have children without getting married. In terms of changing parental roles in a family, there has been a rise in the number of stay-at-home dads in recent years when it has become normal for women to gain qualifications and pursue their own career path. This is in sharp contrast to about half a decade ago when men were breadwinners and women were in charge of household chores in their families. In my view, the changes described above could have both positive and negative consequences. On the one hand, due to the lack of emotional attachment and legal binding, non-traditional households, such as step-families and cohabiting parents are more prone to breaking down. Consequently, the children of these families are more likely to be involved in antisocial behaviour while their parent may experience feelings of loneliness and worry. On the other hand, the changes in the roles of members in the family could be seen as progress because women are not put under pressure to sacrifice their own careers to assume childcare and domestic responsibilities. In conclusion, I believe that the changes in the roles of family members and the family structure are both positive and negative.
In the past, nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
where parents and their offspring living together under one roof
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be prevalent.
However
, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a huge trend towards single-parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
due to more marriages ending in divorce, while the increase in cohabiting couple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and step-families is
probably
a result of cohabitation and remarriage have become much more acceptable.
In addition
, the number of single-mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
has increased as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mothers want to have children without getting married. In terms of changing parental roles in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, there has been a rise in the number of stay-at-home dads in recent years when it has become normal for women to gain qualifications and pursue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career path. This is in sharp contrast to about half a decade ago when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were breadwinners and women were in charge of household chores in their families.

In my view, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above could have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. On the one hand, due to the lack of emotional attachment and legal binding, non-traditional households, such as step-families and cohabiting parents are more prone to breaking down.
Consequently
, the children of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are more likely to
be involved
in antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
while their parent may experience feelings of loneliness and worry.
On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the roles of members in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as progress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
women are not put under pressure to sacrifice their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
careers to assume childcare and domestic responsibilities.

In conclusion
, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the roles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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