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Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. v. 4
The growth in the field of technology has seen a higher pace from the past few years when compared to the earlier developments. Well, talking about the greatest technological development is the invention of the internet and smart phone which has changed the lifestyle of people. In my opinion, I do agree the fact that earlier technological developments has brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people when compared to the recent ones. To begin with, the earlier prominent inventions are such as telephones and televisions etc. At the initial stages of invention, they were only available to the affluent and as the years pass by it was available to everyone. These inventions made a persons life easier as they could communicate with one another easily through just a call instead of writing letters and waiting for the other persons reply for a week. These are inventions are neither harmful for the environment nor the society. Even though, the most recent developments such as the smartphones has changed the lives of ordinary people that is with this we can know what is happening all around the world. The negative effects of smart phones overweights with its positive effects. Some of the disadvantages are the radiations generated through the smart phones causes diseases like cancer, brain tumour etc. For humans and also affects the animals also. In addition to these the most latest updating to these smartphones are increasing their camera quality and launching it as a new edition. Out of 10 hardly 4 people know about the complete features and usage of the smartphone the remaining 6 only use it for communication or browsing the net. Without knowing the usage what is the use of such development in the technological. I would like to conclude that the earlier development has made the life of an ordinary man easier, but has never caused any harm to the society and humans. But the recent developments are neither useful for the development for the society nor the environment. Instead of such devleopments if they would develop something which would help in conserving the envirionment would be a useful development
The growth in the field of technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a higher pace from the past few years when compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
. Well, talking about the greatest technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is the invention of the internet and smart phone which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
has brought more benefits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when compared to the recent ones.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
prominent inventions are such as telephones and televisions etc.

At the initial stages of invention, they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
available to the affluent and as the years pass by it was available to everyone. These inventions made a persons life easier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
they could communicate with one another
easily
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a call
instead
of writing letters and waiting for the other persons reply for a week. These are inventions are neither harmful for the environment nor the society.

Even though
, the most recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
such as the smartphones has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that is
with this we can know what is happening all around the world. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of smart phones
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweights
with its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
disadvantages are the radiations generated through the smart phones causes diseases like cancer, brain
Possible spelling mistake. 'tumour' is British English.
tumour
etc. For humans and
also
affects the animals
also
.
In addition
to these the
Use only "latest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most latest
updating to these smartphones are increasing their camera quality and launching it as a new edition. Out of 10 hardly 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know about the complete features and usage of the smartphone the remaining 6
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for communication or browsing the net. Without knowing the usage what is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in the technological.

I would like
to conclude
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
has made the life of an ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has never caused any harm to the society and humans.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
are neither useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
for the society nor the environment.
Instead
of such
Possible spelling mistake found.
devleopments
if they would develop something which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in conserving the
Possible spelling mistake found.
envirionment
would be a useful
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
development
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
357 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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