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Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. v. 6
Introduction: Since many years ago, a lot of people have been deciding on a career path early and follow it as they grow up saying that it provides them with a satisfying life. However, while some many agree with this, changing jobs may suit others more. On the one hand, it can be said that following a career from early benefits us. Specifically, if we set an achievement for our careers in the early years of our life, we can prepare for it more than a lately set goal. For example, if a child want to be a football player, he can prepare for it by focusing more on practicing the sport and working out rather than spending most of his time on academic works. As a results this will help one do better when they start their jobs later. Which, in case of the boy, may lead to a better performance than the others in a try out for a professional team. On the other hand, an early work choice may disadvantage us as we grow. As an explanation for this, many of us change our hobbies and interests as we grow due to external factors which usually lead to a change of preference for or career. And when we change our preferences while we can change our jobs, it can lead to the unhappiness created by doing something we do not like. Conclusion: Last but not least, the sense of achievement in a person’s life does not lie only in the pursuing of a particular career. It is also important to listen to ourselves when choosing a job in order to develop a satisfying career.
Introduction: Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been deciding on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
and follow it as they grow up saying that it provides them with a satisfying life.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this, changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
may suit others more.

On the one hand, it can
be said
that following a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
benefits us.
Specifically
, if we set an achievement for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
years of our life, we can prepare for it more than a lately set goal.
For example
, if a child want to be a football player, he can prepare for it by focusing more on practicing the sport and working out
rather
than spending most of his time on academic works. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a result" or simply "results"?
a results
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one do better when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
later. Which, in case of the boy, may lead to a better performance than the others in a try out for a professional team.

On the other hand
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
work choice may disadvantage us as we grow. As an explanation for this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
our hobbies and interests as we grow due to external factors which
usually
lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
of preference for or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. And when we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
our preferences while we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, it can lead to the unhappiness created by doing something we do not like.

Conclusion: Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the sense of achievement in a person’s life does not lie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the pursuing of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. It is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to listen to ourselves when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in order to develop a satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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