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Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
There is no doubt that, since several centuries, museums and art galleries are the best places to learn from the history. The question is, should people buy tickets to enter to these places? Or it should be free? In this essay I will discuss both sides and draw my personal conclusion. In terms of views, museums and galleries of art are very valuable with many knowledge and information. Students and people could learn from it. The main reason given to support this claim a recent study has made in Maastricht University. They found that when schools make trips for children to any museums or an art gallery, children would be asking more questions about what they see there which increase the knowledge of the students. To illustrate, I remember when I was at the fourth grade, we had a lesson about the second world war. I did not like the idea of just looking at the photos and read from my book. Then, I told my teacher about that, and she said that we will go to the museums to learn more about this subject. I really enjoyed it and learned more about the history than at the class. In other words, if the entry to the museum was not free I could not pay the frees, because I was poor at that time. This proves clearly that it is a good thing to have free museums. However, it should not be forgotten, that art galleries and museums are the favourite places of the tourisms. For example, people come from all the world to visit the art gallery of Paris. If the government charge admission fees, they will earn millions of dollars. And that will influence the economy of France. Hence the belief that museums and galleries develop the countries. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both views, I believe that governments should make museums and art galleries free for schools and chare a fees entry for tourists.
There is no doubt that, since several centuries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are the best places to learn from the history. The question is, should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tickets to enter to these places? Or it should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
? In this essay I will discuss both sides and draw my personal conclusion.

In terms of views,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable with
Possible agreement error. The noun knowledge seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much knowledge", "a good deal of knowledge".
many knowledge
and information. Students and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could learn from it. The main reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support this claim a recent study has made in Maastricht University. They found that when schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
trips for children to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
, children would be asking more questions about what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
there which increase the knowledge of the students. To illustrate, I remember when I was at the fourth grade, we had a lesson about the second world war. I did not like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
looking at the photos and read from my book. Then, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
my teacher about that, and she said that we will go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to learn more about this subject. I
really
enjoyed it and learned more about the history than at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
In other words
, if the entry to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
was not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
I could not pay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
frees
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I was poor at that time. This proves
clearly
that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
museums.

However
, it should not
be forgotten
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
places of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tourisms
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from all the world to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
of Paris. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
charge admission fees, they will earn millions of dollars. And that will influence the economy of France.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
develop the countries.

In conclusion
, after a careful analysis of both views, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
for schools and
Possible spelling mistake found.
chare
a
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "fees'" or "fee's", "feis's"?
fees
entry for tourists.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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