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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v.22

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 22
Starvation is an unfortunate reality in the world today. Despite the developments in agriculture, the majority of people in the world die due to starvation. In my opinion, the population growth and the wastage of food continue to rise and this is causing a lot of people go hungry. From my point of view, there are several ways to prevent starvation such as implementation of international laws in order to manage overgrowth of population and educating the managers of food companies about the disastrous effects of the starvation. First of all, the most important reason that we should consider in terms of starvation is overpopulation, since growth in population is increasing relatively faster than the production of food. For example, despite the studies that have been put in effort in order to fasten the duration of a crop to be grown, it is still not enough to cover the food supply that is needed for people’s survival in today’s world. Therefore, governments should implement some international laws to control the overpopulation problem that we face today. For instance, authorities may enforce people to have only one child. Secondly, although the awareness campaigns about the wastage of food, a lot of people still do not understand the significance of food for some people to survive. In fact, some studies have shown that the wastage of food in restaurants has increased significantly over the past several years, which is causing a lot of people die due to starvation. Thus, food companies should take the experience and the academic background into account of people when hiring them as managers. Moreover, they should also educate their managers about the starvation problem by assigning them proper training programs. To sum up, although the advances in agriculture field, a lot of people die from starvation due to the overpopulation and the wastage of food. However, I believe that it is possible to prevent starvation by implementing international laws to control the population growth and educating the managers of the food companies to reduce the wastage of food.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Starvation
is an unfortunate reality in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Despite the developments in agriculture, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starvation
. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
continue to rise and this is causing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go hungry. From my point of view, there are several ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starvation
such as implementation of international laws in order to manage overgrowth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
about the disastrous effects of the starvation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason that we should consider in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starvation
is overpopulation, since growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is increasing
relatively
faster than the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For example
, despite the studies that have
been put
in effort in order to fasten the duration of a crop to
be grown
, it is
still
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cover the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supply that
is needed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
survival in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
international laws to control the overpopulation problem that we face
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
For instance
, authorities may enforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one child.

Secondly
, although the awareness campaigns about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
do not understand the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to survive. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies have shown that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in restaurants has increased
significantly
over the past several years, which is causing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starvation
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should take the experience and the academic background into account of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when hiring them as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
.
Moreover
, they should
also
educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starvation
problem by assigning them proper training programs.

To sum up, although the advances in agriculture field, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starvation
due to the overpopulation and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
However
, I believe that it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starvation
by implementing international laws to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth and educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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