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Some may believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry physics and history should be taught in schools while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects such as motor mechanics and cooking Discuss both vi v.2

Some may believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry physics and history should be taught in schools while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects such as motor mechanics and cooking 2
It is argued students ought to be taught with more compulsory subjects, such as mathematics and science while others think subjects that are more practical, such as cooking and motor mechanics should be given more priorities. It is agreed that educational institutions should prefer to teach more functional subjects to compulsory subjects. This essay will first discuss the increase chances of top jobs after studying academic subjects and then discuss of being hired easily when chosen practical courses, before coming to a reasoned conclusion. There is ample evidence to suggest that academic subjects secure high paid jobs because the demand for these subjects continues to rise. In other words, when people persuade their career in these basic subjects, the chance of working in top companies increases and they can be renowned as well. For instance, a 2014 study conducted by Cambridge University found that almost 80% graduated students in basic subjects are immediately given employment in prestigious offices. Therefore, it is clear that academic subjects should continue to be focused, as its future is very rewarding. However, it must not be forgotten about the increasing demand for practical subjects in today’s world as the world has transformed totally. This means that people having practical skills are gaining more opportunity to find jobs easily with fewer obstacles, compared to highly-skilled jobs. For example, a survey done by the UK government showed that the vacancy of chefs is the highest, with the increasing number of restaurants in the UK. Thus, it is evident that people with practical skills can land on jobs quickly, tempting people to study these subjects. In conclusion, practical subjects should be given more preference in schools, while many feel that teachers should still concentrate on teaching basic courses. Although compulsory subjects can secure top-positioned jobs, I believe the school should give more priority to optional subjects as it provides the easy finding of employment in this competitive world.
It
is argued
students ought to
be taught
with more compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as mathematics and science while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
, such as cooking and motor mechanics should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more priorities. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that educational institutions should prefer to teach more functional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. This essay will
first
discuss the increase chances of top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
after studying academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and then discuss of
being hired
easily
when chosen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
courses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a reasoned conclusion.

There is ample evidence to suggest that academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
secure high paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the demand for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
continues to rise.
In other words
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
persuade their career in these basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, the chance of working in top
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
increases and
they can
be renowned
as well
.
For instance
, a 2014 study conducted by Cambridge University found that almost 80% graduated students in basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
employment in prestigious offices.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should continue to
be focused
, as its future is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rewarding.

However
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be forgotten
about the increasing demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world as the world has transformed
totally
. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are gaining more opportunity to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
easily
with fewer obstacles, compared to
highly
-skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For example
, a survey done by the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the vacancy of chefs is the highest, with the increasing number of restaurants in the UK.
Thus
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can land on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
quickly
, tempting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to study these subjects.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more preference in schools, while
Possible agreement error. The noun feel seems to be countable; consider using: "many feels".
many feel
that teachers should
still
concentrate on teaching basic courses. Although compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can secure top-positioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, I believe the school should give more priority to optional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as it provides the easy finding of employment in this competitive world.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some may believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry physics and history should be taught in schools while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects such as motor mechanics and cooking 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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