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Some may believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry physics and history should be taught in schools while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects such as motor mechanics and cooking Discuss both vi v.1

Some may believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry physics and history should be taught in schools while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects such as motor mechanics and cooking 1
Few people think that brilliance comes naturally while the rest of the people contradict by stating that we can improve our intelligence through learning. From my point of view, one needs to have intelligence inborn and only then can they improve through learning. A section of our society argues that brilliance is innate. This can be related to an example of a class full of students with different levels of intelligence. To some students math comes naturally and hence they consider it easy. While few students face a hard time in solving basic math problems because it is not something that comes naturally to them. And this does not limit to scientific subjects. Many examples in the artistic field support this point such as Leonardo Da Vinci was considered a born-natural painter. Improving one's intelligence through learning is something that the rest of the community agrees with. Just having an intelligent brain is not going to produce extreme results. Only through learning can one understand every aspect of a topic. The same example of students taken in the previous paragraph can help us understand this point. Two students whom math comes naturally will not have knowledge of a Pythagorean theorem unless they learn it. A scientist can prove to be a great example for this point as they are required to learn and understand the basics and the exceptions to make a new invention. According to me, having an innate brilliance, being in any field of life, is a basic need. Unless doing something that one is natural at, he/she will not able to provide expected results. I draw my conclusion by looking at people who are unhappy and unsatisfied with their jobs because it is not inborn in them. In conclusion, people who think having a great mind helps with being intelligent and people who feel that intelligence can be improved via learning make points which are to be considered inclusively as without one point, the rest would not come to be true.
Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that brilliance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naturally
while the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contradict by stating that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. From my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view, one needs to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
inborn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
then can they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
learning.

A section of our society argues that brilliance is innate. This can
be related
to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
math
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naturally
and
hence
they consider it easy. While few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
face a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time in solving basic math problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not something that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naturally
to them. And this does not limit to scientific subjects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
in the artistic field support this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
such as
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
Leonardo Da Vinci
was considered
a born-natural painter.

Improving one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is something that the rest of the community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
having an intelligent brain is not going to produce extreme results.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
can one understand every aspect of a topic. The same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
taken in the previous paragraph can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us understand this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
. Two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
whom math
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naturally
will not have knowledge of a Pythagorean theorem unless they learn it. A scientist can prove to be a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
as they
are required
to learn and understand the basics and the exceptions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a new invention.

This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, having an innate brilliance, being in any field of life, is a basic need. Unless doing something that one is natural at, he/she will not able to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
results. I draw my conclusion by looking at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are unhappy and unsatisfied with their jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not inborn in them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
having a great mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
with being intelligent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
which are to
be considered
inclusively
as without one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
, the rest would not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
come
to be true.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some may believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry physics and history should be taught in schools while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects such as motor mechanics and cooking 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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