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The money spent on research has brought enormous benefits to mankind, but it could be more usefully applied. How far do you agree? v.2

The money spent on research has brought enormous benefits to mankind, but it could be more usefully applied. How far do you agree? v. 2
Whether people should spend money on science remains controversial. Some people think that because of enormous benefits that research has brought to humankind, we should invest financially in science while others claim that money could be more useful if it is used to tackle the crisis around the world. I partly agree with the former opinion. It is argued by some people that money should be spent to solve problems like food crisis, poverty, and human health rather than to do research. They maintain that how can we research with an empty stomach and disease raging? While every 30 seconds an African child dies of hunger, should we use the money for laboratories? However, there are many reasons for people to believe in investment for research. First of all, science is now playing an essential role in our lives as it effects on everything we do from eating to traveling. For example, we buy the food from the supermarket the flavors and additive have all been measured and tested scientifically. Another good example here is quantum computers. With its power, quantum computing could put a stop to traffic jams since quantum algorithms could take advantage of qubits' computational properties to determine the best route for drivers. The fastest supercomputers on Earth can not currently do it. Today' s quantum computers are not there yet, so, scientists need to do more researches to create them. Without financial support, scientists cannot do it. Secondly, a commonly held belief is that the wealth of a nation is concerned with its scientific development. They claim that modern economics can not advance without a strong scientific base. A good example here is the USA, which produces a significant number of science graduates and has a thriving economy. From that have been discussed above, we can give the conclusion that both points of view have their merits. Although human life has priority in our societies, the importance of research cannot be denied. Therefore, the government should spend money on both research and other human life issues.
“Whether” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
remains controversial.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of enormous benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
has brought to humankind, we should invest
financially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
while others claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could be more useful if it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to tackle the crisis around the world. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former opinion.

It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be spent
to solve problems like food crisis, poverty, and human health
rather
than to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
. They maintain that how can we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
with an empty stomach and disease raging? While every 30 seconds an African child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
of hunger, should we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for laboratories?

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to believe in investment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
playing an essential role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as it effects on everything we do from eating to traveling.
For example
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the food from the supermarket the flavors and additive have all
been measured
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
scientifically
. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example
Did you mean "here are quantum computers"?
here is quantum computers
. With its power, quantum computing could put a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to traffic jams since quantum algorithms could take advantage of
Possible spelling mistake found.
qubits&
#039; computational properties to determine the best route for drivers. The fastest supercomputers on Earth can not
currently
do it.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Today&
#039; s quantum computers are not there
yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, scientists need to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
to create them. Without financial support, scientists cannot do it.
Secondly
, a
commonly
held belief is that the wealth of a nation
is concerned
with its scientific development. They claim that modern economics can not advance without a strong scientific base. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example here is the USA, which produces a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
graduates and has a thriving economy.

From that have
been discussed
above, we can give the conclusion that both points of view have their merits. Although human life has priority in our societies, the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
cannot
be denied
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and other human life issues.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The money spent on research has brought enormous benefits to mankind, but it could be more usefully applied. How far do you agree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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