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Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.22

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. v. 22
The importance and popularity of international language have grown over the past few years. Experts throughout developing and developed worlds have debated whether the main goals of learning language are working and travelling or not. Both sides of this issue will be examined in the following essay. On the one hand, there are three possible reasons that we study international language in order to work and travel merely. The most important one is that workers who are able to speak or write other languages gain more valuable and a higher comparative advantages over their peer. An extensive study by renowned university has illustrated that bilingual employees tend to receive a higher level of salary and opportunity. Consistent this line of thinking is self-independent. The best example for this is that if you get heart attract, then you can ask for help or explain the details to the doctor. Last but not least, you are able to read the important signs and make conversation with local people during visiting oversea. As a result, it would help you to avoid losing and cost saving by self-travelling. On the other hand, although there are ample reasons supporting those views, it multifold disagreements cannot be denied. First and the foremost, inspiration by singers or actors may be the crucial motivation. For instance, my friend favourite singer is Chinese, as a result, she has started studying Chinese since grade five. Another point that should be taken into consideration is a barrier reduction. Due to the fact that language is the essential cause of learning further subjects, especially maths or physics. The final point is that sharing information will create the development, such as technology or medicine. To conclude from aforementioned arguments, I strongly believe that people study language not only for working or travelling purpose but also other benefits as well. No matter which goals motivate them, i would recommend everyone to learn more than languages.
The importance and popularity of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
have grown over the past few years. Experts throughout developing and developed worlds have debated whether the main goals of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
are working and travelling or not. Both sides of this issue will
be examined
in the following essay.

On the one hand, there are three possible reasons that we study international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in order to work and travel
merely
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is that workers who are able to speak or write other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
gain more valuable and a higher comparative advantages over their peer. An extensive study by renowned university has illustrated that bilingual employees tend to receive a higher level of salary and opportunity. Consistent this line of thinking is self-independent. The best example for this is that if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
heart attract, then you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to the doctor. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, you are able to read the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
signs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
conversation with local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
during visiting oversea.
As a result
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to avoid losing and cost saving by self-travelling.

On the other hand
, although there are ample reasons supporting those views,
It seems that the possessive pronoun "its" fits better in this context. Please verify.
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
multifold
disagreements cannot
be denied
.
First
and the foremost, inspiration by singers or actors may be the crucial motivation.
For instance
, my friend
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
singer is Chinese,
as a result
, she has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
studying Chinese since grade five. Another point that should
be taken
into consideration is a barrier reduction. Due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is the essential cause of learning
further
subjects,
especially
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
or physics. The final point is that sharing information will create the development, such as technology or medicine.

To conclude
from aforementioned arguments, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for working or travelling purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other benefits
as well
. No matter which goals motivate them,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would recommend everyone to learn more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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