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Some people believe that competitive sports, both team and individual, have no place in the school curriculum. How far do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that competitive sports, both team and individual, have no place in the school curriculum. How far v. 2
In these developing world, western culture is accessed by not only youngsters but also children. Because of this, the parent gives more sovereignty to their child than the yesteryears and I believe this liberty has demerits rather than merits outcomes. Both aspects are elucidated in upcoming text with relevant examples. The first and foremost drawback of this development is a juvenile crime rate increase by leaps and bounds. By watching criminal and offensive games and TV programmes, teenagers have conducted more crime since last few decades. Recent survey is published by Indian Crime department reveals that more than 40 % of law breached by under eighteen years people. The other influence is watching and cheating the geriatric public. Senior citizens are the pride of our nation, we have to give respect, but highly indulge of modern culture, they refuse to do. Additionally, addiction of technological instruments makes them introvert and socially isolated. Their thoughts and behaviour become more virtual than ever. For example, In our social gathering, children do not participate in any competition and the reason is that they feel shy in front of other people and even avoid attending such meetings. Moreover, they cannot identify any of our distant relatives that traits and manners may isolate them from society. However, the distinct quality of child come out cause of this free ambience. In explanation, nowadays, most of the children are developing holistically by participating in different peer group activities like sport tournament, quiz competition, etc. In past time, the peculiarity of the child was manipulated by parent rigid behaviour, but this improvement nurtured parents too. By agglomerating above all points we can conclude that there are several benefits of these developments, but the drawbacks of its are not avoidable at all.
In these developing world, western culture
is accessed
by not
only
youngsters
but
also
children.
Because of this
, the parent gives more sovereignty to their child than the
yesteryears
and I believe this liberty has demerits
rather
than merits outcomes. Both aspects
are elucidated
in upcoming text with relevant examples.

The
first
and foremost drawback of this development is a juvenile crime rate increase by leaps and bounds. By watching criminal and offensive games and TV
programmes
,
teenagers
have conducted more crime since last few decades. Recent survey
is published
by Indian Crime department reveals that more than 40 % of law breached by under eighteen years
people
. The other influence is watching and cheating the geriatric public. Senior citizens are the pride of our nation, we
have to
give respect,
but
highly
indulge of modern culture, they refuse to do.

Additionally
, addiction of technological instruments
makes
them introvert and
socially
isolated. Their thoughts and
behaviour
become more virtual than ever.
For example
, In our social gathering, children do not participate in any competition and the reason is that they feel shy in front of other
people
and even avoid attending such meetings.
Moreover
, they cannot identify any of our distant relatives that traits and manners may isolate them from society.

However
, the distinct quality of child
come
out cause of this free ambience. In explanation, nowadays, most of the children are developing
holistically
by participating in
different
peer group activities like sport tournament, quiz competition, etc. In
past time
, the peculiarity of the child
was manipulated
by parent rigid
behaviour
,
but
this improvement nurtured parents too.

By agglomerating
above all
points we can conclude that there are several benefits of these developments,
but
the drawbacks of its are not avoidable at all.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that competitive sports, both team and individual, have no place in the school curriculum. How far v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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