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Some lessons for young students increase their interest to learn including video games But some people believe it will distract young students What is your opinion Why v.2

Some lessons for young students increase their interest to learn including video games But some people believe it will distract young students What is your opinion Why v. 2
By the galloping rate of technology development, a vast variety of teaching method has occurred, which helps the teachers to teach lessons better like game consuls. Some people fascinate these new products, but others deny them and claim that they would distract student' s focus also, hurt their study program. In my opinion, although most of the video games would waste students’ time, and distract their consequence on lessons, educational games would stimulate their interests and cause to learn better. I would elaborate on my reasons in the subsequent essay. Initially, wasting time is the most important issue of parents, which extremely occurs in video games. Students spend a large amount of time playing video games, which usually hurt their health, and they cannot pay attention to their lessons. By changing the model of studying from books to video games, not only would we decrease their inefficient playtime, but we also increase their study time which is prevalent in their game time. So by educational video games, we can enhance their study period. Secondly, psychology theories assert that if you want to learn better, you should combine your study with activities which stimulate your interests, such as listening to music or eating fruit. In this regard, using a video game which is a momentous factor in stimulating children’s interest, can be a good tool to effects them considerably. Most of the educational games designed to use educational aspects to pass the levels, so if students do not concentrate on lessons, they would not be able to pass the game' s levels. For example, my brother for his chemistry class had to pass a chemistry game last year, he not only searched the chemistry formulas and equilibrium on the Internet, but he also explored them on different sourcebooks to find his answer. Finally, video games besides its profound influence on encouraging students to learn lessons better, help them to be familiar with their interests and job positions. For example, by chemistry games, they would be familiar with laboratory careers, and physical games would lead them to mechanic jobs, which required their knowledge based on games. To sum up, although video games might have some bad influence on student' s interest and timing, but they by enhancing student' s study time, conducting them on finding job field, and an impact profound on their learning result, can be a good tool for providing a good infrastructure to reach success and prosperous in studying.
By the galloping rate of technology development, a vast variety of teaching method has occurred, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the teachers to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
like game consuls.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fascinate these new products,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others deny them and claim that they would distract
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s focus
also
, hurt their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
program. In my opinion, although most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and distract their consequence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would stimulate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and cause
Did you mean "learning"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'cause' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. I would elaborate on my reasons in the subsequent essay.

Initially
, wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue of parents, which
extremely
occurs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
spend a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which
usually
hurt their health, and they cannot pay attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
. By changing the model of studying from books to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would we decrease their inefficient playtime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
also
increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which is prevalent in their game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, we can enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
period.

Secondly
, psychology theories assert that if you want to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
, you should combine your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
with activities which stimulate your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
, such as listening to music or eating fruit. In this regard, using a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game which is a momentous factor in stimulating children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
, can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
tool to effects them
considerably
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
designed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
aspects to pass the levels,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
, they would not be able to pass the
Possible spelling mistake found.
game&
#039; s levels.
For example
, my brother for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemistry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
had to pass a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemistry
game last year, he not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
searched the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemistry
formulas and equilibrium on the Internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
also
explored them on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
sourcebooks
to find his answer.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
besides
its profound influence on encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be familiar with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and job positions.
For example
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemistry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they would be familiar with laboratory careers, and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would lead them to mechanic jobs, which required their knowledge based on games.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
and timing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
Did you maybe mean "buy"?
by
enhancing
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, conducting them on finding job field, and an impact profound on their learning result, can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
tool for providing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
infrastructure to reach success and prosperous in studying.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some lessons for young students increase their interest to learn including video games But some people believe it will distract young students What is your opinion Why v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
410 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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