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Some lessons for young students increase their interest to learn including video games But some people believe it will distract young students What is your opinion Why v.1

Some lessons for young students increase their interest to learn including video games But some people believe it will distract young students What is your opinion Why v. 1
Nowadays, people can achieve high incentives. Some people think that this would be helpful for the nation in the growth of the economy, while others think that the authorities may stop the rise of salary at a certain level. This essay will discuss both the view and I support the former view. To begin with, a person having high salaries will be beneficial for the country. One of the key parameters is that a person can spend their money to provide the service to the people of their nation. This will give the chance to other people to change their financial status and education. For example, a person can start the education institute which gives free education to the middle-class families. Moreover, this kind of person can expand their business in which creates the opportunity for the educated people in their country. In addition, to that they also start a business in the abroad by this way also increase the economy of the country. At last, the people of the nation get an education and job, even by doing foreign money exchange helps the nation. On the other hand, some think that rise of income may be controlled by the government. Firstly, people think that a person having more money would start to use exported products, which spoil the business of the local vendors of the nation. For instance, Research conducted shows that many people now prefer to use products that comes from the abroad, such as United Colours is the brand delivering the children’s clothes, become a more popular in the higher salaries people. Hence, people will continue to use this product as a result the future generation will forget the culture and tradition of the nation. In conclusion, the essay discussed the person having a high salary will help an individual getting the education and the nation by starting the new business, but the purpose of controlling one’s salary is to protect the culture and tradition of them. The government should support the high salaries persons.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
incentives.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that this would be helpful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
in the growth of the economy, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the authorities may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
at a certain level. This essay will discuss both the view and I support the former view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
will be beneficial for the country. One of the key parameters is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can spend their money to provide the service to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. This will give the chance to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their financial status and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
institute which gives free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to the middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
families.
Moreover
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in which creates the opportunity for the educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their country.
In addition
, to that they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in the abroad by this way
also
increase the economy of the country. At last, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and job, even by doing foreign money exchange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the nation.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that rise of income may
be controlled
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
having more money would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
exported products, which spoil the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
of the local vendors of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For instance
, Research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
products that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the abroad, such as United
Possible spelling mistake. 'Colours' is British English.
Colours
is the brand delivering the children’s clothes, become a more popular in the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this product
as a result
the future generation will forget the culture and tradition of the nation.

In conclusion
, the essay discussed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an individual getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
by starting the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the purpose of controlling one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is to protect the culture and tradition of them. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some lessons for young students increase their interest to learn including video games But some people believe it will distract young students What is your opinion Why v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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