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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement The telephone have a greater influence on people s lives than television has v.2

The telephone have a greater influence on people s lives than television has v. 2
By the galloping development of technology, different technologic tools are innovated to influence on people. Although old generation think telephone have a profound impact on human life, i strongly believe that, television by the help of the its product has a considerable effect on our lives. I will elaborate on my reasons in the subsequent essay. Initially, television has a vast variety of serials and program which attract a large amount of viewers. Serials not only help to spread social manners in the society, but they also by the help of the psychologist, try to teach their people psychological aspects. Government when realized people' s interest about broad casts, investigated a large amount of money to can deviate social attitudes due to their purposes. For example, turkish government for expanding tourism industry, invest a large amount of money on film making. They used famous people in their movies who travel all around the turkey and communicate by village people and describe each city' s beauty and products. After 10 years, not only most of the turkish were travelled to all the turky' s cities, but they also absorb a huge number of tourisms from all around the world. Also, by the use of educational program, you can change your people' s life style. For instance, if you want to decrease the fast-food' s usage on diets, you can investigate on some cooking program which teach parents to cook home made foods. In this regard, by the vast variety of television program, we can conclude that it has a great impact on our lives. Moreover, one of the serious tools for effecting on people is news which spread by the broadcast or oral. Altough spreading news by oral such as telephone has a old history, the most accurate news emitted by television or radios which are strong tools for governments to prohibit fake news and announc true news. For example, corona virus had spreaded about 2 years ago in IRAN, all the people were firightened and couldnt concentrate what theyshould do to prevent virus' s spread. In this regard, government by providing true news about the corona' s parent and and prohibiting ways tried to decrease people' s worry and increase their confidence. Statistics show that, if government' s news were not spreaded, they would have not been able to halt its widespread. To sum up, by the television' s product, such as news, serials, and educational products which their influence are experienced, not only we can stop bad effects the phenomenas, but we also can affect directly on their life style to can have a better society.
By the galloping development of technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
technologic
tools
are innovated
to influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
telephone have a profound impact on human life,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
strongly
believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
has a considerable effect on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I will elaborate on my reasons in the subsequent essay.

Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has a vast variety of serials and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
which attract a large amount of viewers. Serials not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to spread social manners in the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
Did you maybe mean "buy"?
by
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the psychologist, try to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
psychological aspects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
when realized
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s interest about broad casts, investigated a large amount of money to can deviate social attitudes due to their purposes.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
turkish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
for expanding tourism industry, invest a large amount of money on film making. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their movies who travel all around the turkey and communicate by village
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
each
Possible spelling mistake found.
city&
#039; s beauty and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. After 10 years, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
most of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
turkish
were travelled
to all the
Possible spelling mistake found.
turky&
#039; s cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
absorb a huge number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tourisms
from all around the world.
Also
, by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
your
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s life style.
For instance
, if you want to decrease the
Possible spelling mistake found.
fast-food&
#039; s usage on diets, you can investigate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
which teach parents to cook home made foods. In this regard, by the vast variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, we can conclude that it has a great impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Moreover
, one of the serious tools for effecting on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
which spread by the broadcast or oral.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Altough
spreading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
by oral such as telephone has
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
history, the most accurate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
emitted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or radios which are strong tools for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to prohibit fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
announc
true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
For example
,
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
had
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "spread", the past tense form of the verb 'spread'?
spreaded
about 2 years ago in IRAN, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
Possible spelling mistake found.
firightened
and
Possible spelling mistake found
couldnt
concentrate what
Possible spelling mistake found.
theyshould
do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
Possible spelling mistake found.
virus&
#039; s spread. In this regard,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
by providing true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
corona&
#039; s parent
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
prohibiting ways tried to decrease
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s worry and increase their confidence. Statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that, if
Possible spelling mistake found.
government&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
were not
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "spread", the past tense form of the verb 'spread'?
spreaded
, they would have not been able to halt its widespread.

To sum up, by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
television&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, serials, and educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which their influence
are experienced
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects the
Possible spelling mistake found.
phenomenas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
also
can affect
directly
on their life style to can have a better society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay The telephone have a greater influence on people s lives than television has v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
437 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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