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Nowadays, young people admire stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.2

Nowadays, young people admire stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2
In today’s world, admiration which the young generation holds for celebrities is not a rare phenomenon. While there is a widely held belief that famous people badly influence youngsters rather than bring them benefits, it is my fervent conviction that there are more advantages than disadvantages to this trend. Firstly, stars display positive characteristics that spur young people to become good citizens. A telling example is that celebrities who participate in charitable project more or less instill ethos of sharing and caring into the young generation. There is mounting evidence that juveniles can be inspired and learn from their idols’ good qualities, which is not only conducive to their self-improvement but also to the well-being of the society as a whole. Secondly, famous people can also set a good example to adolescents via their mistakes and failures. There is a high possibility that stars who are arrested and criticized for violent cases or drug abuse may lead youngsters to regard such behavior as shameful and inadvisable. Hence, stars can serve as leverages for juveniles to avoid mistakes and make progress, which are of enormous importance to their lives both at school and in the future. In conclusion, I believe that this trend facilitates adolescents’ development. Furthermore, it is also advisable to note that the nub of the argument lies in the perception of juveniles, which determines which aspects of celebrities to learn from.
In
today
’s world, admiration which the young generation holds for celebrities is not a rare phenomenon. While there is a
widely
held belief that
famous
people
badly
influence youngsters
rather
than bring them benefits, it is my fervent conviction that there are more advantages than disadvantages to this trend.

Firstly
, stars display
positive
characteristics that spur young
people
to become
good
citizens. A telling example is that celebrities who participate in charitable project more or less instill ethos of sharing and caring into the young generation. There is mounting evidence that juveniles can
be inspired
and learn from their idols’
good
qualities, which is not
only
conducive to their self-improvement
but
also
to the well-being of the society as a whole.

Secondly
,
famous
people
can
also
set a
good
example to adolescents via their mistakes and failures. There is a high possibility that stars who
are arrested
and criticized for violent cases or drug abuse may lead youngsters to regard such behavior as shameful and inadvisable.
Hence
, stars can serve as leverages for juveniles to avoid mistakes and
make
progress, which are of enormous importance to their
lives
both at school and in the future.

In conclusion
, I believe that this trend facilitates adolescents’ development.
Furthermore
, it is
also
advisable to note that the nub of the argument lies in the perception of juveniles, which determines which aspects of celebrities to learn from.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, young people admire stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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