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Nowadays, young people admire stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

Nowadays, young people admire stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1
With the increase in population as well as Technology, it is necessary to look for other means of producing electricity. However, current procedures for generating electricity are difficult and costly. So, solar energy is the only option as it is free and easy to produce. Thus, it became a popular energy source among households. Firstly, generation of power through uranium or water as well as wind is costly. In addition, We have to transfer this produced power to households with the help of wires and poles. In which most of this strength gets wasted. For example, if the plant is generating 1000 kW then after transformation households only get 960 kW. Whereas, in solar produced electricity these problems do not occur at all. In solar energy, the generation of energy takes place in a household itself, which resolves the problem of transportation of energy. Now, As the "every coin has two sides", this method has also advantages and disadvantages. Some of the advantages are here. First of all, after the setup cost, the production is free. It does not have issues for transportation. For instance, wires, and poles. In contrast, some of the disadvantages are as follows. The initial investment is very high plus the weather affects the generation. For example, during rainy seasons or cloudy weather, It is useless. In conclusion, with the few disadvantages,   this method is mostly a profitable investment. In this era of high unemployment and lower wages, It is definitely good for every household to use solar power as an electricity producing option. Therefore, more and more popularity of solar emission as a source of household energy in many countries, should not be shocking.
With the increase in population
as well
as Technology, it is necessary to look for other means of producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
procedures for generating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
are difficult and costly.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option as it is free and easy to produce.
Thus
, it became a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
source among households.

Firstly
, generation of power through uranium or water
as well
as wind is costly.
In addition
, We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
transfer this produced power to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of wires and poles. In which most of this strength
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
wasted.
For example
, if the plant is generating 1000 kW then after transformation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
960 kW.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
produced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
these problems do not occur at all. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, the generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
takes place in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
itself, which resolves the problem of transportation of energy.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, As the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
every coin has two sides
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, this method has
also
advantages and disadvantages.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
advantages are here.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, after the setup cost, the production is free. It does not have issues for transportation.
For instance
, wires, and poles.
In contrast
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
disadvantages are as follows. The initial investment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high plus the weather affects the generation.
For example
, during rainy seasons or cloudy weather, It is useless.

In conclusion
, with the few disadvantages,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
this method is
mostly
a profitable investment. In this era of high unemployment and lower wages, It is definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
power as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
producing option.
Therefore
, more and more popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
emission as a source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, should not be shocking.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, young people admire stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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