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Some high schools require students to wear a uniform. Others allow students to wear clothing of their own choice. Which policy do you think is better and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v.1

Some high schools require students to wear a uniform. Others allow students to wear clothing of their own choice. Which policy do you think is better and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1
It is true to say that some people argue that after school education starts working is good for students while others believe that youngsters should continue their studies and learning skills is much more important for them. However, In my opinion, I firmly believe that students should complete their education by university or college then do something better for the future. Start working after school directly for young people is beneficial such a way of earning more income which, provides their family and basic need. Besides, for searching for jobs and working together as a company they benefit from practical experience and challenging situations. For example, The Sunday Times recently published news that 76% of people in Africa do working straight after school education and them happy with their earning source and freedoms lives. Whatever, some judgment claims that it is not good for early-stage working practice. On the other hand, teaching institutes make students much skilled with vast knowledge. Moreover, nowadays the job market is more competitive. For one post chase thousand of people are applying and only skilled people who have a certificate with the higher study as the same job-related field get success. For instance, In the UK 80% of students got higher-paid posts and excellent facilities who have an educational degree from university or college. In conclusion, considering both views I continue to believe that although money is much important at the early stages to live. Educated, skilled people needed to do something excellent for future nations because schooling makes us more potential and beautiful mind and culture.
It is true to say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that after school education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
while others believe that youngsters should continue their studies and learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them.
However
, In my opinion, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should complete their education by university or college then do something better for the future.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after school
directly
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
beneficial such a way of earning more income which, provides their family and basic need.
Besides
, for searching for jobs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
together as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
they benefit from practical experience and challenging situations.
For example
, The Sunday Times recently published news that 76% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Africa do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
straight after school education and them happy with their earning source and freedoms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Whatever,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
judgment claims that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for early-stage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
practice.

On the other hand
, teaching institutes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
much skilled with vast knowledge.
Moreover
, nowadays the job market is more competitive. For one post chase
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are applying and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a certificate with the higher study as the same job-related field
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success.
For instance
, In the UK 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
higher-paid posts and excellent facilities who have an educational degree from university or college.

In conclusion
, considering both views I continue to believe that although money is much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
at the early stages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Educated, skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
needed to do something excellent for future nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
schooling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us more potential and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
mind and culture.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some high schools require students to wear a uniform. Others allow students to wear clothing of their own choice. Which policy do you think is better and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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