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Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these people. Discuss both systems and give your opinion about which one you think is better. v.3

Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these people. v. 3
People in need should be cared for. In some nations, it is the governments that help the retired, unemployed and disabled with funds, while in other states, it is the responsibility of their families. This essay will discuss both the structures. Firstly, governments has a moral obligation towards its citizens, especially the ones in need, for example jobless, elderly and handicapped. They take taxes from their salaries and in turn should help them when necessary. In addition, they have the resources to do so without going bankrupt. To illustrate, the Medicare insurance program in the US takes care of all the needs. Therefore, state authorities have a legal duty towards their citizens and the finances. On the other hand, putting this pressure on the families can result in bankruptcy. They have limited cash, which can finish very quickly. Additionally, it can also result in negligence of these special people. Family members are busy with their own work that taking time out for them is difficult, which can lead to them missing doctor’s appointment and physical therapy sessions. For example, most poor people die from treatable diseases. Hence, putting an extra task of the family members can cause negative bank accounts and negligence. In conclusion, retired, unemployed and disabled citizens are supported financially by governments in some nations and by families in some. In my opinion, governments have a moral obligation and the resources to provide assistance and should be the one doing it in comparison to family members who have limited resources and time.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in need should
be cared
for. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the retired, unemployed and disabled with funds, while in other states, it is the responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. This essay will discuss both the structures.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
has a moral obligation towards its citizens,
especially
the ones in need,
for example
jobless, elderly and handicapped. They take taxes from their salaries and in turn should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them when necessary.
In addition
, they have the resources to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
without going bankrupt. To illustrate, the Medicare insurance program in the US takes care of all the needs.
Therefore
, state authorities have a legal duty towards their citizens and the finances.

On the other hand
, putting this pressure on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can result in bankruptcy. They have limited cash, which can finish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quickly
.
Additionally
, it can
also
result in negligence of these special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
members are busy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
work that taking time out for them is difficult, which can lead to them missing doctor’s appointment and physical therapy sessions.
For example
, most poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from treatable diseases.
Hence
, putting an extra task of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
bank accounts and negligence.

In conclusion
, retired, unemployed and disabled citizens
are supported
financially
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations and by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have a moral obligation and the resources to provide assistance and should be the one doing it
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members who have limited resources and time.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these people. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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