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Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these people. Discuss both systems and give your opinion about which one you think is better. v.1

Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these people. v. 1
It is well known that in some countries, people with special needs such as those who are retired, without a job, or mentally and physically disabled are receiving financial assistance from their government. However, in some other countries, this group of people are living without any subsidy and are forced to rely on their families. This essay will discuss both these political systems and provide reasons for why the system that provides financial assistance is better for the individuals as well as the society. Financial assistance from the goverment is vital and beneficial for people with special needs who cannot live independently. For example, a person who has been in a car accident and become severely injured is unable to function without assistance. Unfortunately, their family members might not be available all the time to provide them with the support that they desperately need. Thus, they need external help in order to survive and make ends meet. In addition, a number of unemployed and disabled people, after receiving financial assistance the government, are able to get back on their feet and contribute to the society. Those who are able to secure employment will also pay income tax which will further help other people to recover from their misfortune. On the other hand, some other governments do not possess the resources to provide financial assistance for those in need. As a result, family members are expected to support these people. Although this places pressure on many family members, they can provide better support especially emotional support for their loved ones. As the old saying goes, “blood is thicker than water”. Furthermore, the people with special needs might enjoy the assistance from their families more than the government. In conclusion, even though disadvantaged citizens may benefit from both systems, I am of the opinion that the goverments that provide financial subsidies are more helpful. Therefore, this form of government should be widely encouraged.
It is well known that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
such as those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are retired
, without a job, or mentally and
physically
disabled are receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries, this group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living without any subsidy and
are forced
to rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. This essay will discuss both these political systems and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
reasons for why the system that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
is better for the individuals
as well
as the society.

Financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
is vital and beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
.
For example
, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has been in a car accident and become
severely
injured is unable to function without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
. Unfortunately, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members might not be available all the time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
them with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
that they
desperately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
Thus
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
external
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in order to survive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
In addition
, a number of unemployed and disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, after receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back on their feet and contribute to the society. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are able to secure employment will
also
pay income tax which will
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to recover from their misfortune.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
do not possess the resources to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
for those in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although this places pressure on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
especially
emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. As the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying goes, “blood is thicker than water”.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
might enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
more than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
,
even though
disadvantaged citizens may benefit from both systems, I am of the opinion that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
subsidies are more helpful.
Therefore
, this form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be
widely
encouraged.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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